


life in pink

by reddie_enthusiast



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, F/M, Fluff, Frank Kaspbrak Lives, Gen, Good Parent Frank Kaspbrak, Good Parents Maggie & Wentworth Tozier, M/M, Musician Richie Tozier, Nonbinary Character, Oblivious Eddie Kaspbrak, Oblivious Richie Tozier, Panic Attacks, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Slow-ish burn, Soft Eddie Kaspbrak, Soft Richie Tozier, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, he's not really a jock jock but he do be doing sports, i also should mention i think this is very dialogue heavy, i have to revise my tags because theres more angst than i thought, i made them have nice parents this time, idk I might add more tags later, its stan, jock Eddie, maybe it wont, maybe itll be a happy ending, most of this is fluff and barely any plot, theyre dumb and in love, who knows not me, woah
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23767243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reddie_enthusiast/pseuds/reddie_enthusiast
Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak has loved Richie Tozier for years. Their lives were once entwined, but they've gone separate ways since then. Besides, it's not like Richie still likes him, anyway, right?****a jock!eddie and musician!richie modern high school au i started impulsively
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris
Comments: 48
Kudos: 61





	1. a world where roses bloom

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i'm back with something i probably shouldn't have started before finishing ups and downs, but i like it so it's fine. i hope everyone's quarantine has been okay. don't hesitate to reach out to people you trust if you are struggling
> 
> chapter and fic title from la vie en rose

Eddie Kaspbrak didn’t always think true love was bullshit. When he was younger, he made up worlds in his head where he fell in love with a knight in shining armour who had travelled across lands to rescue him. He dreamt of finding his one true love, his other half, his soulmate. When his parents got divorced, he just thought it was a setback, and that both of them would find their true love the second time around. But then, he got older, and he understood that fairy tales all had it wrong, and the chances of him finding his ‘soulmate’ were slim to none. So he stopped believing in true love and decided that his parents only proved his point and that it was all bogus.

And then he met Richie Tozier. It was eighth grade when they first met; Richie’s family had just moved to Derry from somewhere Richie had described as ‘the middle of butt-fuck nowhere.’ Derry wasn’t much different, Eddie had thought. There was something about Richie that left Eddie enamoured. Richie wasn’t someone Eddie thought he would crush on; he was someone his mom described as _dirty_. She thought he was probably a homosexual, and she expressed her disgust; she wasn’t wrong, but it still made Eddie’s heart hurt that she thought that way of gay people, and he was already ashamed of his own sexuality, and how he felt whenever Richie talked to him in class, or when he pinched his cheeks and called him nicknames and ‘cute, cute, cute!’ When he turned fourteen and moved onto high school, and he danced with Richie and _kissed_ Richie, Eddie thought maybe true love wasn’t bullshit. But like every good thing that happened to him, any chances he had with Richie were thrown away when he had to leave him at the dance, alone in the gym waiting for him to come back. Eddie was too anxious to talk to him after, so he kept his distance, admiring from afar.

Eddie has changed a lot since he was fourteen. For one, he lived with his dad now, which was a billion times better than living with his mother. Their custody battle was long and drawn out over the length of Eddie’s life. Apparently, having a baby really shows how bad a relationship could be. It was until Eddie found out that all the pills his mom had been forcing on him his entire life were fake that things hadn’t started to look up for his dad. Turns out, making your kid believe he was sick, and feeding his underlying anxiety, making him too scared to go anywhere besides school and home, is a great way to lose custody. How they didn’t find out sooner that all his illnesses were fake was a mystery to Eddie, but he was glad he was out of the situation all the same. 

Since then, Eddie has joined track, baseball, soccer and basketball, despite his small stature. He’s made new friends: Stan, and Mike, who both got along with his best friend, Bill. He’s changed his style, from itchy polos and uncomfortable pants to soft, pastel sweaters and ripped jeans. Once he grew into his looks by the end of freshman year, people started looking at him differently, and Eddie was asked out numerous times over the following summer. He loved the attention, and soon began dating for random spurts of time, nothing longer than a couple of months, and never staying single for long. After his first relationship started, Eddie came out to his dad, crying and begging him not to send him to one of those camps he had heard about online, or god forbid, back to his mother. His dad had hugged him, holding him close and reassuring him that nothing was wrong with him. Eddie’s biggest regret is falling out of touch with Richie, who had walked up to Eddie with a confidence that he had never seen in him before and asked Eddie to dance. He could still remember the sweet melody they swayed to, and the lingering yet awkward kiss they shared at the end of the song. It took Eddie by surprise, but he wasn’t complaining. Three years had passed since then, and anytime Eddie even thought about talking to Richie, his stomach bubbled with anxiety, remembering how he had left him on the dance floor. When he thought about it now, Eddie decided that was probably the reason his relationships wouldn’t work. He was still hung up on Richie, even though it had been nearly a year since they had last spoke when he started dating other people and Eddie thought he was over it. Now that Eddie was single, and he had been so for longer than he had since ninth grade, he felt all the old feelings he felt for Richie resurfacing, despite how much they have both changed, and he knew he was screwed. How could one fleeting moment affect his life for years anyway?

***

“Eddie. Pay attention to me,” Mike was waving his hand in front of Eddie’s face, cutting off his view of Richie’s back from across the classroom.

Eddie flinched away from Mike’s before slapping it away from him, “Oh my God, what? Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“Busy staring at your middle school crush? You do that all first period already, why do you have to do it again now?” Mike arched his eyebrow in annoyance. “Why don’t you just ask him out? I’m tired of your pining.”

“Wow,” Eddie’s face dropped with mock disbelief. “You think you know someone, and then they call you out in the middle of Biology.”

Mike laughed softly, holding his hands up in surrender, “I’m just saying, you should just ask him out. He liked you once, who’s to say he doesn’t like you now.”

“He doesn’t like me anymore. I’m totally not his type.”

“How do you know you’re not his type if you haven’t talked since you were a freshman?”

“Because he’s all,” Eddie gestures toward Richie. “And I’m all,” he swept his hand down his body and then grimaced. 

“You know what they say, opposites attract.”

“You aren’t allowed to comment because you and Stan have the perfect relationship. Just because you, a dumb jock in the most literal sense of the term, fell in love with Stan, someone who watches birds and does puzzles for fun, and are for all intents and purposes complete opposites, doesn’t mean that’s the case for everyone.”

“Hey! I’m not a dumb jock! We’re both in AP Bio! And who’s to say Stan doesn’t just love me for my looks?” Mike wiggled his eyebrows, “I am very attractive.”

“If they were blind, Stan would still love you. You just click like that. You’re the dream couple, soulmates and all that.”

“Maybe you and Richie are soulmates and you just don’t know because you haven’t spoken to him in three years.”

Eddie glared at Mike, “You’re infuriating, remind me why you’re my best friend.”

“Because I make very good cookies, which I’ll give you if you spare me some answers,” Mike had a hopeful yet knowing smile on his face, already aware of the fact that Eddie was unable to resist Mike’s cookies. 

“Fine. But only because you’re giving me cookies and not because you’re right about Richie.”

Mike pumped his fist, peering over at Eddie’s worksheet while Eddie turned his attention back to Richie. He leaned onto his hand, cheek pushing up under the pressure. There was no way Eddie had a chance with Richie. He ditched him all those years ago. Richie probably hates his guts now. Mike didn’t know what he was talking about; opposites don’t always attract.

***

Bill was waiting for Eddie at his locker, a wide grin present on his face and gym bag in his hand. His smile had a suspicious smirk to and as Eddie approached, he raised his eyebrows as if to question Bill’s presence.

“You’re up to something. What is it, Bill?”

“What!” Bill’s jaw dropped. “H-how can you tell s-so easily?”

“I’ve known you since before you stopped eating dirt, there isn’t much you can get past me.”

“T-that’s not fair! I’ve known you that long a-and I can’t read you that well!”

“You just don’t have skill like me⎼” Eddie opened his locker, throwing his textbooks onto the top shelf and grabbing his own bag, “Face it, I’m the smartest out of all of us.”

“Are we just f-forgetting Stan exists or what?”

“Damn, you’re right. I’m the second smartest out of all of us. Anyways, what’s up?”

“Well, we w-were maybe invited to a p-party, and I think you should come.”

Eddie turned his head, a look of unamusement on his face, “I’m not going to a party.”

“Oh! Come on! Everyone’s going to be there! Maybe Richie’ll show up!”

“Shut up, Bill!”

“What? You don’t want me to declare your undying l-love for your middle school c-crush? Hey! Everyone! Guess wha⎼”

Eddie slapped a hand over Bill’s mouth before he drew too much attention to them. The few people who had turned at the commotion didn’t pay them much mind anyways.

“Bill, I will murder you if you say anything.”

“Fine, I won’t say anything if you agree to go to this party with me. Even Stan is going to go.”

“I don’t do parties. They aren’t fun. Everyone’s all sweaty and drunk and it smells weird and everyone is making a fool of themselves.”

“E-Eddie, I hate to d-do this to you, but I will tell Richie you have a crush on him if you don’t c-c-come with me.”

“Wha-what! You don’t even talk to him. And resorting to blackmail? Honestly, Bill, I thought better of you.”

“Okay, then I’m going to tell him. He’s in the music room everyday after school, just a q-quick little detour and your s-secret is out.”

“Oh my god, you’re a terrible person. Fine! I’ll go to the party!”

Bill whooped and jumped up before opening the gym door for Eddie. They hustled into the changeroom to avoid the wrath of their coach. When they came out, they joined Mike on the gym floor to stretch, waving to Stan, who was reading on the bench. Stan had yet to miss a practice, well the few basketball practices they had this month, even though they didn’t do any sports. Mike had told them a few times that they didn’t have to wait for him to finish, but Stan always said they liked to watch Mike do something he was passionate about. Both Eddie and Bill had cooed mockingly at that, even if they found it endearing as well.

***

Eddie rummaged through his backpack, noticing he had forgotten his math notebook in the classroom after his last class. He groaned, rubbing his forehead in frustration.

“Hey guys, I forgot some of my work, you can start walking without me. I’ll catch up.”

“Are you sure, Eddie? We can wait if you want,” Stan said.

With a wave of his hand, Eddie brushed them off, “Nah, I’ll be okay to walk myself, it’s fine.”

All three of them waved, leaving Eddie in the hallway. His math class was on the second floor, so he ran up the stairs, hoping the door was unlocked. Luckily it was, and his note book was still on his desk at the back of the classroom. On his way out, Eddie heard the faint sounds of piano through the hallway, and he walked down to see the music room door slightly open. Richie sat at the piano playing a mellow, lovey tune.

So maybe it was creepy of Eddie to stand in the doorway listening to Richie play, but the song was enticing, and Eddie couldn’t bring himself to stop. When the song started to end, he swallowed, and decided to say something.

“That’s a pretty song.”

Richie jumped, playing discordant notes. He whipped around, a blush on his face. He scratched the back of his neck before dropping his head down slightly, “O-oh! Uh, um. Uh⎼” he cleared his throat before stuttering out, “t-thank you.”

“You’re a great singer. I don’t think I’ve heard you play until today, and it’s definitely not the kind of music I thought you would play.”

Richie laughed before adjusting his glasses as Eddie moved closer and sat down on the piano bench next to him, “What kind of music did you think I played?”

Eddie shrugged, “I don’t know. Heavy metal? Songs about sex, drugs, and rock and roll? That seems more in your style.”

“What, because I wear black clothes and nail polish and ride a skateboard I’m destined to be a angsty teen? I ditch class to smoke weed and get too many detentions so I must be a bad influence? I pierce my own ears in my room so I’m probably punk? Way to follow the stereotypes, Eds,” he squinted. “Maybe I see your point though.”

Eddie giggled, pushing Richie’s shoulder lightly, “Don’t call me that!”

Richie’s face went blank before turning back to his sheet music, gathering it up in a messy pile and shoving it into a crinkled folder, “I never thought I’d hear you say that again.”

Smiling apologetically, Eddie wrung his hands together, a nervous tic he couldn’t shake, “I’m sorry, Rich.”

“Don’t be sorry, Eddie. Shit happens. I’m over it,” Richie said as he pulled his backpack on, getting up from the bench. “See you around, Kaspbrak.”

Richie was gone before he could hear Eddie’s reply and Eddie wished that Richie was writing a song about him.


	2. you're my favourite movie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back a day earlier than i intended, but i decided ill be posting on Sundays instead of Mondays. anyways this chapter is from richie's pov and the rest of the story will continue to switch between Eddie and richies povs (and another person but that's not until way way later)
> 
> chapter title from cinema by Gary go (which in case u were curious is the song Richie was singing last chap)

Richie Tozier has changed a lot since he was fourteen. He grew his hair out, against his mother’s wishes. He mostly kept it long to annoy her, but it’s become a staple of sorts, and now it continues to hang in his face half the time. He ditched the bug-eye glasses, opting for a sleeker, wire pair that didn’t make him look so nerdy. Most of his Hawaiian shirts were gone, save for a few that he still wore regularly, no matter how often Bev told him they were hideous. He started playing music, and after Bev and Ben’s incessant nagging, he made a Youtube channel where he posted covers of songs, and sometimes originals he wrote in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep.

One thing he wished hadn’t changed was Eddie Kaspbrak. It was no secret that he was in love with him for the entirety of middle school, and when Eddie stopped talking to him sometime after the homecoming dance where they shared a dance and a kiss, Richie was distraught. But eventually, Richie came to terms that Eddie just didn’t like him like that, and he forced himself to stop thinking about, which only barely worked; Eddie was always running through his mind.

Smoking weed helped sometimes, but not often. Writing music used to help before all his songs morphed into shitty love songs that were always about Eddie. As he got older, he realized that his crush still wasn’t going away, so he came to terms with the fact that he was always going to be hung up on his middle school crush, even though Bev made fun of him daily for it.

By the time he was a senior, Richie was completely okay with the fact that he was never going to be with the guy of his dreams. So what if he stared at Eddie from across the cafeteria, daydreaming about taking him stargazing in the field close to the Quarry. Or if he thought about kissing Eddie in the rain like in those stupid romance movies his mom was always watching. It was perfectly fine to look but not act on his endless fantasies. 

***

Never in any of Richie’s fantasies did he imagine that Eddie would catch him singing a song that was most definitely about him. Eddie was apparently oblivious to that fact. Not that Richie minded Eddie not knowing about his mega crush, because if Richie could keep Eddie from knowing he would save them both the embarrassment. Butterflies swarmed Richie’s stomach as Eddie crossed the room, sitting down on the small piano bench, leaving only inches between them. They didn’t talk long, but it was enough for any feelings Richie had managed to forget to come back. The sooner he could get out of there, the less chance he would make an even bigger fool of himself, so he scooped up his notes and got the hell out as quick as he could, his heart pounding in his chest as he left Eddie behind him.

He got home quickly, not stopping to try new routes on his longboard like he usually would. Honestly, all Richie wanted to do right now was lay in bed and scream into his pillow. He bounded up the step, dropping his board next to the door, letting it roll down the uneven porch.

“I’m home!”

Maggie appeared from around the corner, an apron tied around her waist, “How was your day?”

“Uh, it was fine, I guess."

“Anything exciting happen?”

“Mom, it’s high school, how exciting can it be?”

Maggie laughed, “I’m not saying it has to be exciting, but I did meet your dad my senior year, so it’s not always bad.”

“We can’t all find our one true love in high school, Mother Dearest.”

“Sorry I said anything then. Supper will be ready soon, and Bev’s upstairs.”

“You’d think she didn’t have her own fucking house, honestly.”

“I think Went is 90% sure she never leaves anyways.”

Richie sighed and headed up to his room, waving to his dad as he passed the living room. He whipped open the door, making Bev jump from her spot at his desk, accidentally waking up Richie’s Golden Retriever, Eggs, who was sleeping under the desk at Bev’s feet. Egg’s strolled over, shoving her face into Richie’s knees to get him to pet her.

“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting here, Tozier? When you say you’ll be ‘real quick’ in the music room, that doesn’t mean take two hours!” Bev has a look of annoyance on her face, but it was tinged with affection.

“Sorry, Bevvy, I got held up. There’s some hot moms in town and you know I had to get in on that action.”

“Richie, you and I both know you’re extremely gay. Where were you?”

“You’re not going to believe me if I tell you,” Richie said while biting his lip.

“I won’t judge you if you were in the music lab again, you don’t have to make anything up.”

“Okay, one, you know you’re going to judge me for being in the music lab, and two, it’s not so much my whereabouts, but rather who I was talking to that you won’t fucking believe.”

Bev adjusted in her seat, folding her hands over her crossed legs and leaning forward, “Oh, do tell.”

“Iwastalkingtoeddiekaspbrak,” Richie mumbled.

“Speak up, Rich, damn.”

“I said I was talking to Eddie Kaspbrak.”

Bev jumped up from the chair, bursting with excitement. She grabbed Richie’s shoulders, shaking him gently, “Are you kidding? Shit, Rich, did you get his number? Oh my god, were you playing one of your love songs? Did you ruin this because you swear on practicing at the school?”

Richie laughed, brushing Bev off and going to sit on his head, dropping his head onto his pillow and looking up at the glow in the dark stars pasted on his ceiling, “My piano isn’t as good as the one at school. Electric pianos will never beat the ol ivory keys. And maybe he did walk in on my playing my love songs; he didn’t know it was about him anyways. Unless. Fuck. Maybe he does know and he was trying to let me down gently before I got the fuck out of there. We barely spoke.”

“Richie! Come on, man!”

“I’m sorry! I got nervous!”

“You have no balls at all. You should’ve got his number! If you’re going to be hung up on your middle school crush, who you only kissed once, awkwardly at that, you should at least try to make a move in high school. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“The worst that can happen is I get rejected for a second time, Bev! My poor heart can’t handle it! Leave me here to wallow in self-pity.”

Jumping onto the bed next to Richie, Bev said, “I may have an opportunity for redemption.”

Richie lifted his head so he could look at Bev’s face, “If it’s something stupid, I’m not doing it.”

“You act like stupidity has stopped you before. Besides, it’s not even stupid. It’s a party.”

“How is that an opportunity for redemption, Eddie doesn’t go to parties.”

“Yes, but! I heard from Ben who heard from Stan who heard from Mike who heard from Bill that Eddie is going to this party on Friday. Bill was going to ask him after school and Ben said that there is no way Eddie is going to say no.”

“Bev.”

“Richie.”

“He’s not going to go.”

“How do you know! It’s a reliable source!”

“When was the last time Eddie went to a party?”

Bev looked up, scrunching her nose, “That doesn’t matter, what matters is he’s going to this party, and you are going to come with me.”

“If I go to this party with you, you owe me a joint.”

“What!” Bev smacked his shoulder, “I’m getting you an in with your crush! Why do I owe you a joint!”

“Compensation for my troubles, Bevvy. I’m going to make a fool of myself, and you know that.”

“Fine, I’ll give you a joint, but only because I really think this one is the winner,” she stuck her hand out and Richie shook it, “I get you a joint and a chance to get with the love of your life and you go to this party.”

“Great, fan-fucking-tastic, really.”

They hung out in Richie’s room working on homework until Maggie called them down for dinner and Bev had to get back to her aunt’s house. After watching a few episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Richie decided to check his Youtube channel. He had a couple thousand subscribers, much to his surprise. When Bev and Ben convinced him to make the account, he wasn’t expecting anybody except his mom to follow him, but apparently people like listening to a teenager sing shitty love songs about his secret crush.

He decided to record the song he was playing at the school, and he spent the majority of the night editing it so it sounded semi-decent. He never had liked anything he wrote anyways. When he finally finished, Richie laid back on his bed, drifting off with Eddie on his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have well over 20k written for this and i only have like 9 chaps so far. i keep jumping forward to my climax because i have no self control but like,,,, not to deter you away,,, i cried writing it and it's not even coming until like at least chap 15


	3. give me your hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello!! im back. it's 4am rn but do i care? no. im super excited for this chapter and have been thinking about it this entire time!! u finally get to see what happened on homecoming
> 
> chapter title is from teen romance by lil peep 
> 
> other songs mentioned are falling! by peachy and la vie en rose

Finding Richie’s youtube channel was a complete accident, but Eddie was glad he found it all the same. He was just listening to a random playlist online when one of Richie’s songs showed up. Clicking on his channel, Eddie was surprised to find a wide variety of songs, both covers and originals; a majority of the songs were similar to the one Eddie had heard him play after practice, and there was a complete version of it posted recently. Eddie threw his headphones on, switching over to his phone so he could lay in bed. Choosing a random song, an original, Eddie closed his eyes and listened to Richie’s smooth voice.

The song he had clicked was a slower tune, reminding Eddie of a warm summer’s day. The lyrics hit a little close to home, and Eddie wondered how a song could convey the exact feelings he felt.

_ I’m scared _

_ Of telling you how I feel _

_ Maybe it’s better if I just try to conceal the truth _

_ For me and for you _

_ But I’m still stuck on you _

Eddie sighed, wishing he had the guts to reveal to Richie how he felt, but his overwhelming fear of being rejected stopped him whenever he even thought of trying to say anything. Just the idea of telling Richie made his heart start to pound. He got up, walking over to the window and sliding it open, careful not to unplug his headphones while doing so. The moon was bright tonight, with no clouds covering up its light. It was starting to get colder now that the October chill was setting in, but Eddie’s spot on the roof was well-equipped with soft blankets and pillows that his dad didn’t know he took from the linens closet. Eddie counted the stars as he listened through the entirety of Richie’s playlist. It must’ve been at least an hour before the cold really started to bother Eddie and he was about to go inside, but the opening notes of a new song began and the familiar tune was enough to stop Eddie in his tracks. He glanced down at his phone to double-check he was hearing it and sure enough, an unforgettable song stared back up at him.

_ La Vie En Rose Cover- Richie Tozier _

The song Richie and Eddie danced to freshman year. A song Eddie would always associate with Richie. A song Eddie definitely thought Richie forgot about.

The cover was posted only a couple months ago, meaning Richie must still think about Eddie, even in passing. The thought made Eddie’s heart twang, and he had to stop to take a deep breath before heading back inside. Soft fairy lights lit up the room, showing Eddie a clear path to his bed, where he collapsed onto his bed, sighing heavily. Even if Richie still thought about their dance, which wasn’t even great to begin with, that didn’t mean he liked Eddie. He was writing love songs for someone, and there was no way it could be him. Eddie was just Eddie. A small, annoying kid who’s known only for the sports he plays. Richie was cool. People knew Richie. Designated town ‘bad boy,’ even though the worst thing he did was smoke weed behind the school instead of going to gym class. Richie was an unforgettable presence and Eddie lived an unoriginal life.

Eddie played Richie’s song again, closing his eyes and resting a hand on his chest. If he couldn’t have Richie, at least he could still dream about him.

***

Shamefully, Eddie started to listen to Richie’s music on repeat. He even went as far as to make a fake account and subscribe to him so he could get notifications when Richie posted something new without Richie knowing it was him. He listened to La Vie En Rose much more often than the others, even though it made his stomach flutter when he heard it. It had been two days since he found the channel before he was finally caught listening to it.

Stan pulled one of Eddie’s earbuds out when they were studying in the library during free period, popping it in their own ear. They laughed and turned to Eddie, who was blushing furiously, with a knowing grin, “Why are you listening to Richie Tozier?”

Eddie snatched his phone, turning it off and shoving it in his pocket, “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not listening to Richie.”

“You’re really going to deny it?” Stan rolled their eyes. “I have music with Richie every day, I’m pretty sure I know what his voice sounds like.”

Holding his ground, Eddie glared at Stan but grew uncomfortable at their calculated stare, “Okay! Fine! I’m listening to Richie.”

“Not to judge, but why?”

“You know very well why, Stan.”

“Hm, I don’t think I do. Could you tell me why?”

Eddie huffed, dropping his head onto the cool table, “Because I’m not over the three-minute dance and two-second kiss that happened three years ago, and I’m a dumb gay who can’t cope with his feelings.”

“You know, you wouldn’t feel like this if you just asked for his number.”

“Stan, you shouldn’t be talking. It took you a year before you could even talk to Mike.”

Stan dropped their jaw, “That was in good reason! I didn’t think he’d be interested in, you know, someone like me.” They pouted slightly.

Eddie straightened back up and placed his hand on Stan’s shoulder, “There’s nothing wrong with being non-binary, Stan. It’s 2019, anyone who has a problem with it is either a small-minded Catholic or stupid.”

“Thanks, Eddie, but I don’t care anymore. I got the best guy and that’s all that matters. Besides, we’re talking about you right now. Ben told me he’s going to be at the party. You should shoot your shot, as the kids say.”

“God, you sound like my dad. He’s literally said that exact sentence to me.”

“That’s because your dad is smart.”

“You’re a middle-aged person in a seventeen year old’s body.”

“And you’re still a scared, immature fourteen year old who’s too nervous to ask out the person they like,” Stan sneered.

“Oh, shut up,” Eddie put his headphones back in, turning to face away from Stan and pretend to do his work.

“This conversation isn’t over, I hope you know.”

Eddie gestured to his headphones then shrugged as if he couldn’t hear what they said, but they both knew he had.

***

_ Ding! _

_ 10:43pm _

**_Youtube_ **

_ New Video From RichieTozier _

_ Teen Romance- Original Song - Richie Tozier _

Eddie wasn’t ashamed at how quickly he ran towards his phone, eager to listen to whatever song Richie just posted. The video was different than his usual set up. Instead of Richie putting a picture and lyrics on the screen, he was sitting at his desk with his guitar in his lap. His room was barely visible, but Eddie could still make out bits of his wall cluttered with posters and pictures hung up crookedly. His hair was pulled back by colourful little butterfly clips, but his curls still framed his face like a halo. He was wearing an obnoxious Hawaiin shirt over a black turtleneck, and Eddie swore his soul was going to leave his body because of how attractive he found the whole look. Richie adjusted in his seat, shifting the guitar slightly.

“Um, hey everyone. Clearly this video is a bit different than the rest; I’m just testing something new. If anyone fucking makes fun of my concentration face⎼” he coughed into his hand, “Bev, I’ll fucking block you. Anyways, I hope you like the song. It’ll be up on my SoundCloud soon, don’t fret. I’ll post the lyrics in the description since they aren’t up on the screen this time, and uh, enjoy!”

Richie leaned forward, typing something into his computer before clearing his throat and sitting back. A slower beat played, and Richie began to strum along with it.

_ I met him by chance _

_ I said, ‘I really like your pants’ _

_ I know you got a man _

_ Gimme your hand _

_ Teen romance _

_ Gimme this dance _

Eddie gasped, eyebrows raising as he realized that the song was recounting that night at homecoming all those years ago. He was confused. Why would Richie write a song about someone he didn’t even like anymore? Eddie thought back, remembering how homecoming had gone.

***

_ Eddie was staring at Richie from across the gym, sipping his punch while Bill chattered next to him. The music thumped against Eddie’s feet, and the gym felt hot and sweaty. It made Eddie want to leave, or take a hit from his inhaler, or both, but he promised Bill he would come with him to at least one dance that year, no matter how much Eddie hated the idea of it. There were so many people all in one room, and the chances of contracting something while he was here were high. He tried to explain that to Bill as a last ditch effort to convince him not to go. Bill had just stared at him, eyebrow raised, before telling him it wasn’t any worse than going to the mall, and he liked doing that just fine. Eddie had sighed, knowing he was going to have to go whether he liked it or not. Bill was lucky that homecoming fell on his weekend with his dad, because there was no way his mom would let him go. _

_ “M-more punch?” _

_ Blinking himself out of his stare, Eddie turned to see Bill holding his hand out. Eddie hadn’t realized his glass was empty. “Sure, Bill, that’d be great.” _

_ “Y-you aren’t g-g-going to d-ditch me when I’m g-gone, right?” _

_ “If I was going to ditch you, don’t you think I would’ve done it before we came in?” _

_ Bill thought it over before smiling and nodding, grabbing Eddie’s glass, “You’re r-right. I’ll b-be right b-back.” _

_ Eddie shifted to resume his staring, but Richie had moved in the time he was talking to Bill. He huffed, dropping his head and twining his fingers together just for something to do before he was startled for the second time in the last five minutes. _

_ “I, uh, I really like your pants, Eddie.” _

_ Eddie’s head shot up and then went back down just as quickly. Richie was standing next to him, stiff as a board, complimenting Eddie’s flannel print pants, a purchase he had made with his dad without his mother’s knowledge, because she would have a fit if she knew he had got something she didn’t approve of. Awkwardly, Eddie lifted his face to make eye contact with Richie. _

_ “Um, t-thank you, Rich.” _

_ Richie blushed and adjusted his glasses nervously, “Look, I know you’ve got a man here as your date already, bu _ ⎼”

_ “You mean Bill? He’s not my date or anything, he just needed a friend to come with him.” _

_ Richie let out a breath and smiled, “Great! I mean, uh, not great that you don’t have a date, but great because I don’t feel bad about asking you to dance.” _

_ Bill walked over just then with two glasses of punch in his hand. He saw Richie then quirked an eyebrow at Eddie, who shot him a look he hoped was conveying ‘shut it.’ _

_ “Sorry, Bill, looks like I’m going to have to ditch you after all, I’m going to dance with Richie.” _

_ “A-all good, h-have fun.” _

_ Eddie turned to Richie, holding out his hand, “Gimme your hand.” _

_ “Only if you give me this dance.” _

_ The DJ announced the next song, informing everyone that it was a sloooow jam. Eddie led Richie over to the edge of the crowd, not wanting to be completely surrounded by people. The song, one Eddie hadn’t heard before, started. He reached up, wrapping his arms around Richie’s neck as Richie placed his hands on Eddie’s hips. _

_ “I love this song,” Richie said. _

_ “Oh, yeah? I don’t think I’ve heard it before.” _

_ Richie chuckled, “It’s in WALL-E.” _

_ Eddie blushed and giggled, which in turn made Richie blush. They continued to sway along with the music, and Eddie found himself liking the song more and more just because of Richie. Richie was careful not to accidentally step on Eddie’s toes, and made sure he wasn’t too close. As the song started to close, Richie sucked in a breath. _

_ “Eds?” _

_ “That’s not my name.” _

_ “Eddie Spaghetti then. Eddie, I would really like to kiss you right now,” he bit his lip, and Eddie brought his hand up, brushing his thumb lightly against the skin to bring it out from between his teeth. _

_ “That’s good, because I’d really like to kiss you too.” _

_ Eddie leant forward, only standing on his toes a little bit. Richie’s lips were warm and soft, and kissing him made Eddie feel warm and soft inside too. They broke apart when the song finished, and Eddie smiled brightly at Richie. _

_ “Eds, I really, really like you.” _

_ “I really, really like you too, Rich.” _

_ “Would it be crazy if I asked you ou _ ⎼”  _ Richie’s sentence was cut off by Eddie’s phone ringing abruptly.  _

_ “Sorry, Rich,” Eddie looked at the caller ID, “It’s my mom, I have to take this. I’ll be right back, okay?” _

_ Richie waved at Eddie as he walked backwards towards an exit, answering the phone when he thought he was far enough away from the dance that his mom wouldn’t be able to hear the music. _

_ “Mommy? Is everything okay?” _

_ “Eddie-bear! I’m coming to get you! I just have a feeling you caught something at school this week!” _

_ “I’m fine, Ma. If anything were wrong, Dad would’ve told you,” his mom did this everything he spent time with his dad, never wanting to share her precious son. _

_ “I’m positiv⎼” she stopped talking for a moment, “Eddie-bear? Where’s that awful music coming from. Turn it off.” _

_ Eddie gulped, “It’s just the TV, I can’t turn it off.” _

_ “That sounds like dancing music, Eddie,” she gasped. “You went to that school thing, didn’t you? That’s it. I’m coming to get you, and then you’re going to the doctor. Do you know how many diseases you could pick up from a group of people that size? I can’t believe Frank let you go! Let me tell you, you aren’t going to be seeing your father anytime soon after this.” _

_ “Wait! You can’t do that!” _

_ “Yes, I can. I’m outside the school,” she hung up right after. _

_ “Shit,” Eddie whispered as he headed to the entrance. He could see his mom talking angrily on the phone, probably chewing out his dad. She hung up as she saw him approaching, and reluctantly, Eddie climbed into the car. His mom didn’t say anything until they pulled up to her house. _

_ “Go to your room, Eddie. Your father is on his way over so we can discuss this.” _

_ Rushing up to his room, Eddie pulled out his phone, opening his messages with Bill. _

**8:23pm**

**[Big Bill]**

**Eddie:** hey, sorry i left, some family shit going on

**Big Bill:** no problem, eddie u okay?

**Eddie:** i don’t know

_ Eddie heard the door open and slam shut, signalling that his dad was here. Almost immediately after, his mom’s yelling filled the house, and Eddie huffed, plugging his headphones in. Little did he know, this was the beginning of a long battle. _

***

The song cut out, and Richie spoke again, “Uh, yeah, anyways, I hope you liked the song. I wrote it about something that happened a long time ago. Let me know if you like the set up; I’m thinking of doing some more songs this way. Goodnight, everyone.”

Eddie restarted the song, letting Richie’s voice engross him once again. Listening to this song gave Eddie a little bit a hope, that maybe Richie did like him still. When the song finished for a second time, Eddie through his phone onto his bed, and left the room.

His dad was sitting in the living room, watching a recording of the football game he had missed earlier. When he heard Eddie come down the stairs, he turned and grinned.

“It’s a bit late, isn’t it, kid? What’s going on?” he asked.

Eddie grabbed the blanket from the arm of the couch, wrapping it around himself before sitting down, “Dad? Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, ask away,” he paused the TV, making sure his full attention was on Eddie.

“Do you think it’s weird I still like someone I danced with once three years ago?”

His dad laughed, “Jeez, kid, I thought you were going to ask me something way scarier than that.”

Eddie smiled at that, “Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Something along the lines of, ‘what do I do if I got a girl pregnant.’”

“Dad, I think that’s one thing you’ll never have to worry about.”

“Yeah, I know. But teenagers are all sorts of wacky; you never know what they get up to. To answer your question, no, I don’t think it’s weird.”

“Really? It seems dumb to me. Like, we’ve barely talked at all since then, and I’ve had relationships in between then and now, but I just can’t get him out of my head.”

“Son, love is a strange thing. It acts in all sorts of ways. Even though you might be a little young to really experience love, there’s still a chance that this boy is it. There’s plenty of people who date the same person they met in middle school. Some people are lucky enough to meet their true love young, and you’ll never know if this boy is it until you ask him out.”

Eddie thought over his dad’s words, nibbling the inside of his lip, “Okay. Maybe. I’ll think about it.”

Frank unpaused the TV, and they let the game fill the room with a nostalgic comfort, the colours of the screen dancing across the roof and reflecting onto the hardwood floor. Eddie didn’t really know what was going on. He rarely had time to go to football games when he was already busy with soccer, early basketball practice, and homework, and he really wasn’t too interested in it. Mike was his only friend on the football team, and they had a mutual agreement that Eddie wouldn’t have to endure his football games if Mike didn’t have to watch his soccer games.

“Dad?”

“Yes?”

“I really don’t know what’s going on right now.”

“In the game or in life?”

“The game, mostly.”

Frank laughed, “You don’t need to know what’s going to watch a game, son.”

“Okay,” Eddie said as he flipped over, leaning his upper body upside down on the couch, feet dangling over the top edge. Frank gave him a side-eye before smiling with tenderness.

“Dad?”

Sighing quietly, Frank turned towards Eddie again, “Yes, sweet child o’ mine?”

“Can I go to a party tomorrow night?”

“Who’s going?”   


“No one important. Mike and Bill and maybe Stan if they feel like it.”

“Eddie,” Frank said through chuckles. “That’s all three of your friends, what do you mean ‘no one important?’”

Eddie laughed then too, “Okay, maybe everyone important. So can I?”

“Is that boy going to be there?”

“Maybe,” Eddie blushed. “Hopefully.”

“I’ll let you go on one condition. You have to use protection,” Frank said with a wink.

“Oh my god! Dad!”

“Hey! I’m just looking out for you! I was just kidding anyway, I know you know. You can go to the party. No drinking and driving. No hard drugs. No dying. Call me if you need to be picked up. Standard procedure.”

“Great, sounds like a plan,” Eddie got up, dropping the blanket back on the couch. “Night, Dad. Don’t stay up too late, you have an early shift at the station tomorrow.”

“Shouldn’t I be telling you to go to bed?” Eddie was already walking up the stairs. “Love you, kid!”

“Love you!”

Eddie shut his bedroom door lightly, closing his curtains and packing his homework back into his backpack. He started a song, Louis Armstrong’s version of  _ La Vie En Rose _ , and let himself drift off, dreaming of ways to approach Richie at the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u guys liked this one!! im really stuck rn with chapter 10 but like,, it'll be fine. also, i need ideas for some filler chapters because after chapter twelve i have like six months of story i have to write and i have no ideas (my climax is after graduation and rn it is October so like,, yuh) so if you have any ideas or want me to write anything for months decmeber-may plz comment them!! thank u for reading luv u all


	4. gay panic

Richie always thought school started way too early, and he especially thought so on Fridays. That’s probably why he was late for first period almost every day, which honestly would not be a problem to him at all if it wasn’t one of two classes he shared with Eddie. At least when he strolled him late, sending a jab to their English teacher, it garnered his attention for a second. Richie thought that at least eighty percent of his energy in Bio and English were spent trying to get Eddie’s attention discreetly. It was much easier to do so in English though, because Eddie didn’t sit with any of his friends and was just one seat to the left of him at the back of the classroom. Sometimes, Richie caught him staring, and Eddie always blushed and quickly looked away when he did. His favourite part of English though, was when he made a stupid little comment under his breath and Eddie heard it and giggled lightly next to him. Richie thought if he were to never listen to anything other than Eddie’s laugh, he would be more than okay with it.

His first alarm rang, signalling that Richie had to wake up now if he wanted to check his phone at all before his mom or, worse, his sister came barging in to wake him up. If Liz came to get him, she was never gentle like his mom, and most of the time Richie ended up getting pushed off the side of the bed. She was only four years younger than him, but they only got along half of the time. Richie remembered begging his parents for a younger brother, desperate to have someone to play with because none of the boys from the block wanted to play with him. He was too rough, too loud. When his parents brought home Liz, he asked to exchange her for a boy.

Patting his bedside table for his phone, Richie shut off the music that was playing quietly in the background; he was never able to fall asleep in silence. He had more notifications than usual this morning, but that was only because he had posted a new song last night. It was one of the first songs Richie had written, but he hadn’t put any effort into producing it until after his talk with Eddie. Somehow, having an actual conversation with him gave him the motivation to finish his first ever Eddie-inspired song, which had been sitting half-finished in his notebook since grade ten.

One notification stuck out to him, one from a fairly new account who only just followed him a couple of days ago. It wasn’t anything special, just another like, but the username always stuck out to him when he saw it.

_ spaghetti17 _

As far as usernames go, it’s fairly bland, but just seeing spaghetti associated with his Eddie songs made his heart both hurt and swell. It obviously wasn’t Eddie; he had never liked any nicknames Richie had shamelessly called him over the years, least of all Eddie Spaghetti. But he could still pretend.

Richie hoped Eddie never found out any of his songs were about him, but he didn’t worry too much about that. The most revealing songs were his cover of La Vie En Rose and Teen Romance, and even though they weren’t super obvious.

“Richard!”

_ Uh, oh, _ Richie thought as he heard his sister call his name. He jumped up, almost knocking his ukulele off the wall in his haste. It hung neatly on the wall above his bed, even though his mother worried it would fall on him in the night. Because of that fear, he wasn’t allowed to hang any other musical instruments on the wall, much to Richie’s protests. His bass would look pretty snazzy on the wall opposite of his bed, but instead, it sat tucked in the corner, next to his acoustic guitar and keyboard. Liz banged on the door before opening it as Richie tugged his shirt off.

“Shit! I was hoping you’d still be asleep so I could dump this on you,” she motioned forward with a full glass of ice water.

“Aw, Bethy, that isn’t very polite of you. Why would you treat your favourite brother with such disrespect?” Richie pretended to wipe a tear away.

“Don’t fucking call me Bethy. I told you, you can call me Liz or you can call me nothing.”

“And I told you that quoting Perks of Being a Wallflower still wouldn’t get me to follow your wishes. You should watch your language too; no one likes a fucking pottymouth. Besides, aren’t you a little young to be swearing”

Liz crossed her arms, “Aren’t you a little old to be in high school?”

“You’re just mad that me repeating third grade made our parents pay more attention to me, their favourite child.” 

“Hardy-har. Mom wants you downstairs in five minutes or she’s feeding your breakfast to Eggs.”

“Your fourteen year old angst doesn’t make you cool.”

“Your eighteen year old angst makes you stupid and unlovable.”

Richie rolled his eyes as Liz closed the door. He sifted through his shirts, grabbing a burnt orange pullover from the closet and pulling on his familiar black jeans. He grabbed two random socks from his drawer and slipped on his bright orange shoes he’d begged his mom to buy him because ‘they’d make a statement.’ Really, no one but Bev and Ben paid attention to him, but their presence was enough for him.

Eggs sat at the bottom of the stairs, immediately perking up and sticking her tongue out when she saw Richie. He petted her head absently before walking into the kitchen, stretching an arm above his head with Eggs trailing behind him. A plate of waffles were set in front of his usual spot.

“Damn, Eggs, I shouldn’t have come down so you could eat these,” Richie said as he reached down and scratched behind her ear. He ripped off a piece before putting syrup on them, tossing it down for Eggs to eat.

“Richie, do not feed the dog waffles,” his mom said, her back still turned to him.

Richie’s eyebrows furrowed, “How did you know I did?”

Maggie turned, dropping a kiss to his hair, “You’ve been feeding Eggs your breakfast every day since we got her; it wasn’t a surprise.” She set the plate of toast she was carrying next to Went, who sipped his coffee as he played on his phone.

Richie scowled, eating his food. He was only half-finished when he heard his mom swear, clearly having just seen the time.

“Rich, you’re going to be late if you don’t leave right now,” she rummaged in her purse, finding a twenty and shoving it into his hand before hauling him up and out the door. “I love you, baby, have a good day!” She blew a kiss as he grabbed his longboard. Richie pretended to catch it, waving goodbye as he headed down the driveway, trying to shove his board into his backpack like every morning.

Bev and Ben were both at the end of the street waiting for him, like usual. Bev had a disapproving look on her face, reminiscent of his mother whenever he came downstairs with a new piercing in his ears. He smiled widely, and Ben matched his grin before Bev noticed and shot him a glare, effectively making his smile melt into a look crossed between embarrassment and adoration.

Richie kissed Bev and Ben sloppily on the cheek, “Hello, my two ravishing best friends. You look lovely as always.”

“Shut it, Tozier,” Bev snapped with mock anger as she punched his arm. “You’re late, again, and now we have no time for a smoke before school. How does that make you feel?” She started walking swiftly, leaving Richie and Ben behind at the corner.

“She must be on her period,” Richie mock-whispered.

“Shut the fuck up, asshole! I told you, you can’t say shit like that,” she yelled, throwing a middle finger up over her shoulder. Ben laughed, holding a hand over his mouth.

“You should know better than to say that by now, Richie,” Ben said as they started walking to catch up with her.

Once they caught up, Richie sifted through his backpack, his board in the way. He finally found his pack of Winstons. Triumphant, he lifted them up, waving them in front of Bev.

“An apology for m’lady,” he took one of the darts out of the pack, handing it to her. 

Bev scrunched her nose, “Winstons are shit,” she said as she took it from him.

***

The bell had just rung as they walked into school, saying their goodbyes as they parted ways. Richie didn’t have enough time to stick his stuff into his locker, so he had to bring his bag and board along with him to English. His teacher was just finishing attendance as he snuck into class, hoping to not be noticed.

“Mr. Tozier, this is the third time this week you’ve been late. Care to explain?”

Richie winced, turning around slowly, “I don’t think we should focus so much on me being late. I was on time yesterday, and that should count for something.”

He heard Eddie giggle behind him, and he smiled just a bit wider.

“Be on time next week or I’ll write you a detention.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Taking his seat next to Eddie, Richie looked through his bag for a pencil, groaning when he realized he hadn’t brought one. One of his classmates was going around with a worksheet based on yesterday’s reading and Richie rolled his eyes, knowing he hadn’t actually read any of it. He saw other people partnering off, having missed the instructions his teacher had just said.

“Richie?”

Eddie’s voice made Richie whip around, his search for something to write with forgotten, “Eds, my love, how are you this fine morning?”

Eddie blushed, smiling gently, “I’m fine, Rich. Do you want to do this sheet with me?”

Richie raised an eyebrow, definitely not expecting him to ask to work together. They’ve had this class together for a month and a half and not once has either of them offered to work with the other. He grinned, “Sounds fantastic, my dear. But I should probably warn you, I have no clue what–” he peered down at the paper that was just placed on his desk, “Fahrenheit 451 is about.”

Eddie laughed softly, “That’s okay, I’ve read it a few times.” He passed Richie a pink pen and scooted his chair over next to him.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a jock? Why do you use pink pens?”

“I don’t just use pink pens, asshole, I have purple and green ones too. Just because I play sports doesn’t mean I’m a Chad.”

Richie felt his heart beat faster as Eddie pushed his almost complete paper towards Richie so he could copy his answers, “Holy shit, Eds, we literally just got this sheet, how are you almost done?”

“Unlike you, I was early to class and got the sheet beforehand,” he leaned over Richie’s arm, which was resting on the desk, and doodled a little flower on the corner of Richie’s paper. If Richie made heart eyes at that, that was his business.

Richie copied the answers quickly and watched over Eddie’s shoulder as he filled out the last two questions, writing the answers down before Eddie could push his page back over. He leaned back in his chair, and Eddie copied his actions, looking up at Richie before grabbing his hand and drawing the same flower design on the back of it. Richie’s breath hitched as Eddie dragged his pen over Richie’s skin, and he felt as if his soul had left his body and gone to heaven.

He heard Eddie talk but didn’t comprehend what he said, instead looking at him dumbly, causing Eddie to duck his head down, hiding his smile and his flushed cheeks. Richie shook his head slightly, “Sorry, Spaghetti, what’d you say?”

“Okay, one, that’s not my fucking name–” he gestured forward with a straight hand harshly, “and two, I asked if you’re going to the party tonight.”

“What’re you talking about? The party’s right here!” Richie flung his arms out, knocking Eddie’s pen out of his hand and earning himself a shush from their teacher. 

“O, shut the fuck up, Rich.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. Yes, I am going to the party tonight.”

“Sweet,” Eddie bit his lip lightly, “I’m going too.”

Richie raised his eyebrows in surprise, “You, Eddie Spaghetti Kaspbrak, are going to a party? Why that is unheard of, in these dark times,” he said with an accent even he didn’t know.

“I’m going against my will; Bill threatened to release sensitive information about me if I didn’t go.”

“Oh, worm? What might this information be? The name of a lover, mayhaps?”

Eddie flushed bright red, brighter than Richie had ever seen him go before, “No! It’s not!” he squeaked out.

“Sure, whatever you say. That is the face of someone telling the truth.”

Richie adjusted himself in his chair, turning back towards the board where the teacher was writing answers on the board. He wished that he was the one Eddie loved, but that was out of the question. No one wants to date Trashmouth Tozier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven't written anything new for this fic in three weeks lmao rip. i do be stuck on chapter ten. anyways have a nice week, get some sleep, eat some food, drink some water, take care of urself


	5. gay panic except for real this time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey lovelies im back a day early because i might be busy tmrw so here u go :^)
> 
> this chapter does deal with panic attacks and homophobic language (f slur is used), stay safe

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!” Eddie said as soon as he stepped into his house.

His dad peered from around the corner from the kitchen, holding two glasses of juice; one orange and one apple. He handed the apple juice to Eddie before speaking. “What, what, what?”

Eddie sipped his juice and breathed in and out quickly, “I asked the guy and he said he’s going to the party and then I made an absolute fool of myself and now he definitely knows I have a crush on him because he said something about me having a lover and then I reacted really tellingly and now I’m freaking out because I’m going to see him in five hours and I have nothing to wear!”

Frank looked at Eddie with a mildly horrified look on his face. He blinked slowly a couple of times while Eddie caught his breath again. “Kid, I think you need to slow down a second. Do you feel panicky or just nervous?” he said with concern.

Eddie closed his eyes, breathing deeply and holding it in, “I’m just nervous, I think. I’m okay.”

“Okay–” Frank put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, “Then you’re going to go upstairs, finish your homework and then you can worry about the perfect outfit. I’ll be home until half past seven; I picked up an extra shift. I don’t know much about fashion, but I can give you some feedback if you’d like.”

“That would be apple-solutely perfect!” he gestured forward with his apple juice.

His dad stared at him, looking kind of dead in the eyes, “That was terrible,” he turned around walking back in the kitchen as Eddie chuckled behind him.

“You thought it was funny, I can tell!”

***

Eddie only had a couple of math questions to do, which he finished in almost no time at all. He felt as though time was moving extremely slow. Honestly, he didn’t know why he was making such a big deal over this. It was a party, just like any others he had been to. Chances are, he probably won’t even see Richie the entire time. He had been home for an hour now, the clock just switching to five o’clock. He could hear his dad bustling about in the kitchen, probably making dinner for Eddie and himself.

Eddie opened his closet, hoping to find something to wear, but nothing seemed appealing to him. On the off chance he did see Richie, he wanted to look at least half decent. After staring blankly at all the clothes in his possession, he decided on a soft pair of lightwash ripped jeans and one of his dad’s old college hoodies he had stolen years ago. He laid his outfit on his bed, slipping out of room to hop in the shower, where he used his sweetest smelling soaps. Even if he didn’t talk to Richie, he could probably find someone else to make out with. He wasted time mulling around in his room, switching from watching TV to listening to music until it was time for supper.

At quarter after seven, his dad called him down for dinner, setting a plate of grilled cheese and tomato soup down in front of him. He was already wearing his Fire Department shirt, the one Eddie thought always smelt like smoke, and the rest of his gear was stacked on the bench in their entrance. They ate quietly, and afterwards his dad complimented his outfit, especially the sweater.

“You wear it better than I ever did, son,” he said on his way out the door. “Call me if anything goes wrong. I’ll ditch the guys and come save you.”

“I’ll be fine. Stan’s designated driver, so you have nothing to worry about.”

“If you’re sure,” he blew a kiss towards Eddie as he closed the door behind him.

Eddie huffed, collapsing down onto the couch, his legs sticking awkwardly over the armrest. His dad had always made fun of him for his inability to sit properly. It was so different from how his mother always scolded him for every little thing he did. Like she could sense that he was thinking about him, Eddie’s phone started ringing, and his screen displayed his mother’s contact. He rolled his eyes, answering the phone.

“Hello, Mom.”

“Oh! Eddie-bear! I didn’t think you’d pick up! You haven’t talked to me all week!” she shrieked.

“If you didn’t think I would answer, why did you call?”

She didn’t miss a beat before answering him, “A mother can always hope her only child will have the decency to answer his phone, Eddie.”

Eddie dropped his head down on the couch, groaning internally, “Is there a reason you called me?”

“Yes! I want you to come with me to my sister’s house tonight. I can be there in ten minutes to pick you up and then we can be there by eight and spend the night. Doesn’t that sound nice, Eddie-bear? A night with your mother?”

“Quite frankly, Ma, it does not. I already have plans tonight. Besides, I’m seeing you tomorrow night.”

“Oh,” Eddie could hear the disappointment in her voice, “What’re you doing tonight then?”

“I’m going to be with some friends tonight.” It wasn’t technically a lie.

“I hope it’s not the one confused about being a boy. Or god forbid, the black, gay one. You shouldn’t interact with those types of people, Eddie. They’ve already corrupted you and tricked you into believing you’re  _ homosexual _ .”

Eddie scoffed, “Stan isn’t confused on who they are, and there’s nothing wrong with being black or gay. I would appreciate it if you didn’t act like there was.”

“Eddie, don’t speak to me like that! I’m your mother, and I know what’s best for you. You shouldn’t be running around with those fairy friends of yours. It’s a sin to lay with man like you would a woman. It’s not too late for you to be forgiven, Eddie. I can take you down to the church, and you can admit your sins and stop committing such dirty, heinous acts!”

Feeling his chest start to tighten like it always does whenever he speaks to his mom because she can’t seem to let go of the fact that he’s gay, Eddie decides to stop while he’s ahead. “Goodbye, Ma.” 

Hanging up the phone only gives him a short sense of relief. Eddie sat up properly, throwing his phone to the side and staring down at a point in the carpet. His hands are shaking slightly, so he started to wring his hands together, running his hand around his wrist. His head started to hurt. He felt lightheaded as his breath quickened.

_ Dirty _ .

“No,” Eddie whispers.

_ You’re dirty. An act against nature. _

“I’m not,” he said to no one except himself.

_ Faggot _ .

“I’m not.”

_ Yes, you are. You know you are. Your mom is right. _

Eddie didn’t know when he started to cry. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the sun starting to set. He decided he wanted to look at the sun instead of the carpet, mechanically standing up and walking up the stairs. If he couldn’t control his thoughts, at least he could control his scenery. His window was already open when he got to his room, the cool air making it a little easier to breathe. Stepping out onto the roof, Eddie clenched his fists in and out, his blunt nails digging into his palms a little. Switching from that, he pinched the inside of his wrist, feeling the small, white scars already there from his many times having done this before. 

The sunset is beautiful and does a good enough job at distracting Eddie that his heart slows back down to a pace just a little faster than normal. There’s a concentration of orange on the horizon, with pink clouds spanning across the sky over the top of the houses and buildings. Purple was just starting to set in at the top of the sky. Eddie tapped his foot against the other, counting how many times he feels the dull thud of it bouncing off his shoe until he lets go of his wrist, and then counting until his head stops to swim and he feels a little more coherent. He wiped his eyes and then ran his hands through his hair, messing it up from how he had it gelled before. Turning onto his street, he saw Stan’s car. He was out here for longer than he realized. 

“Shit,” Eddie said as he jumped inside. He checked his hair in the mirror hanging next to his door, grimacing when he saw it more unruly and curly than he would’ve liked, but he had no time to fix it now. He grabbed his phone from the couch and his keys from off the hook on the wall, turning off the lights on his way out.

Eddie yanked open the back door of Stan’s SUV, greeted by Bill in the backseat and Mike, who turned around from the passenger seat. Stan looked up in the mirror, eyebrows lowering when they saw Eddie’s appearance.

“You okay, Eddie? You look a bit wrecked,” they said.

Eddie smiled tightly, “I’m okay. I was on the phone with my mom. You know how that goes.”   


Bill grabbed his hand and smiled sympathetically. Eddie noted that the time on the radio read 9:19 pm, and he tried to think about how long it had taken him to calm down. He couldn’t have been on the phone for more than ten minutes before he had hung up, but he couldn’t remember what time it had been when his mom called. All he knew was that it was after 7:30 pm, and before the sun started to go down. Eddie tried not to focus on the sick feeling he felt in his gut.

***

The party seemed to be in full swing when they pulled up, even though it was still pretty early. It was on the other side of town, so it took them about twenty minutes to get there from Eddie’s house. From what Eddie had learnt, the party started at nine, so it had been almost an hour since it had started, and there were already a few people puking outside and cups and cans littering the grass. Eddie didn’t think the party would last long before someone called the cops, but he had been surprised by the length of parties before.

Stan parked down the road, parallel with a shitty looking truck. Leaves lined the gutters and they crunched under Eddie’s feet as they walked towards the party. As soon as they stepped in, Mike and Bill were called over by someone Eddie didn’t recognize. Stan and Eddie were left in the entrance, and Stan peered at him with slanted eyes.

“Are you going to be okay tonight? I can take you home now if you’d like,” they said.

Eddie waved them off, “I’ll be fine. I’m going to get something to drink, do you want anything?”

“Just some soda if they have anything I like.”

Nodding, Eddie turned around, heading to the kitchen. Since it was still pretty early, there was a wide selection of alcohol in front of him. He poured a bit too much vodka into his cup before filling the rest with Sprite, and then got Stan a glass of the same, without the alcohol. He eyed the punch sitting on the edge of the counter, and in a split-second decision, he decided to chug a glass of it before grabbing his cups and walking out of the kitchen to find Stan. The juice was a bit strong and left his tongue painted red, but Eddie didn’t really mind. He just wanted to let loose, maybe forget about everything troubling him for the night. After all, he was rarely at a party, so Eddie had to take advantage of it while he could.

Finding Stan in the living room next to Mike, both of them watching Bill play a game with a fairly large group of people, he handed one of the glasses to them. Immediately, Stan winced, “Yeah, I think this one is yours. How much vodka is in this?”

“Less than you’d expect,” Eddie said as he swapped the cups.

Stan looked a bit skeptical, but Eddie’s attention was turned away when Bill called him over to join their game of Never have I Ever.

***

Eddie seemed to be making a habit of forgetting the time tonight. The game of Never Ever shifted to Spin the Bottle, and then to Truth or Dare, and now most people were just scattered about, no real set games being played. The room hummed with laughter and Eddie could feel the beat of the music under his feet. Bill had long since left him to play Beer Bong with some other boys from the baseball team, and Stan and Mike had ditched him for what Eddie could only imagine involved them making out. Eddie had lost track of how many drinks he had had since getting here, but he felt warm and his head swam; thankfully he hadn’t drank enough to be completely incoherent, just enough to feel dizzy and a bit sick to his stomach, but that could be chalked up to his earlier panic attack.. His skin buzzed, making him jittery. He sat on the couch, eyes trained on the movement of shoes on bouncing around on the floor.

_ Dirty _ .

“Oh, fuck me,” Eddie whispered, low enough not to be heard by anyone around him. The couple next to him were already occupying each other’s mouths, so he didn’t have to worry about them too much. He felt sober now that his panic was setting in, but the alcohol had in no way helped the dizziness he was feeling.

_ You’re dirty, Eddie-bear. _

Shut up, Eddie thought.

_ No one will ever love a dirty boy. _

_ You should've let your mom take you to church. _

_ Everyone knows you’re a disgusting fairy. _

_ Everyone is watching you freak out. You’re such an embarrassment. _

Eddie shot up, knocking into the couple next to him. He apologized a few times, checking his pockets for his belongings before speed-walking out of the living room. He bumped into a few people on his search for an empty room. He walked towards the bathroom before seeing the line was outrageously long. Eddie whipped around, accidentally shoving someone into the wall in his abrupt movements.

“Shit! I’m sorry,” he said as he walked away, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Eddie?” the person called.

He didn’t stick around long enough to see who it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> personally, i do not have anxiety or have panic attacks. i based eddie's off of research and observation. please please please let me know if i wrote anything incorrectly. i don't want to misrepresent something i don't fully understand


	6. unforeseen pros of gay panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao back a day early because i have work tmrw,,, i might end up switching updates to Saturday lmao,, anyways enjoy the rest of the shitty party scene,, it was not as cool as some might have thought
> 
> tw: panic attack at the beginning

“Eddie?” Richie called after being knocked into the wall.

He had gotten to the party two hours ago, just after ten, but he hadn’t actually been super involved in the chaos until now. He and Bev had grabbed a half empty bottle off the table, not really caring what it was, before sneaking out to the back to smoke. Bev had brought him his promised joint, which he tucked inside his carton of smokes for later. Ben had stayed behind that night, instead staying home and waiting for Bev’s inevitable drunk call.

Richie hadn’t had nearly as much to drink as Bev had, already having been declared designated driver and he was content to just sit in the grass listening to Bev talk about whatever interested her. They weren’t even a quarter way through the remainder of the bottle when Bev announced that she had to pee, so they deserted the bottle in the grass, hoping it would still be there when they got back. 

Screwing around on his phone, Richie waited for Bev to emerge from the bathroom. He saw someone storm past him, and when the person turned, Richie saw it was a very stressed looking Eddie. Cautiously, he started to walk over, effectively getting pushed aside as Eddie frantically raced up the stairs, tripping on two steps on the way. Everyone around them tried not to pay attention to Eddie’s supposed freak out, but Richie could see the annoyed looks on their faces. Richie huffed, texting Bev that he would not be there when she got out. He shoved his phone into his pocket, trailing up the stairs fast enough to see Eddie duck into one of the bed rooms in the hall.

He opened the door slowly, seeing Eddie knelt on the floor in front of the window, the only light coming from the moon outside. Eddie was visibly panting, staring out the window, looking kind of like a mad man.

“Eddie?”

Eddie turned around to face him, the moonlight illuminating his teary eyes. Richie noted that his hands were shaking, and his wrist had small welts on it in the shape of his fingernails.

“I’m okay,” Eddie said, voice wavering.

“Are you trying to convince me or you that you are, because I think we both know you’re not.”

“Don’t worry about it, Rich. I’m used to dealing with this alone. And frankly, it’s embarrassing.”

That made Richie’s heart hurt. “Just because you can do it alone doesn’t mean you have to.”

Richie wasn’t sure why that made the tears fall from Eddie’s eyes, but it did. Richie sat down next to him, already used to the chill from being outside most of the night. 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie said between sobs. “You shouldn’t have to see me like this.”

Tentatively, Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie’s shoulders, leaning onto him with his elbow just touching the wall. Eddie froze, unsure of what to do.

“Richie, what are you doing?”

Richie shrugged, “Hugging you? I don’t really know what to do, but hugs always make me feel better. What do you need, Eds?” He could feel Eddie shake in his arms.

“A distraction. Please.”

Thinking it over, he decided to try and make Eddie laugh. “Wanna make out?” Richie joked.

Eddie’s breath hitched slightly, “Yes.” 

“Wait, wh–” Richie was cut off by Eddie pressing their lips together

Eddie tasted sweet, like pop and fruit punch, but kind of minty too, like he had been chewing gum. His lips were supple, the skin soft and unchapped. His tongue delicately tipped into Richie’s mouth, colliding with Richie’s. His hands buried into Richie’s hair, tilting his head down to get a better angle. If Richie had to choose something to compare kissing Eddie to, it would definitely be summer. Everything about kissing Eddie was warm and comforting, reminding Richie of sunny days on the beach, or riding around on empty roads in his dad’s old pick up truck, belting lyrics at the top of his lungs with Bev squished on his side and Ben waving his arm out the window. Kissing Eddie put his heart at ease.

“You taste like cigarettes and rum,” Eddie said against Richie’s mouth as he climbed into Richie’s lap, knocking him back against the wall.

Richie hummed, placing his hands on Eddie’s hips, running his fingers up under the hem of his sweater. He felt Eddie’s stomach, and the muscles that lined it. He knew Eddie was athletic, but he wasn’t expecting to feel the muscle so prominently standing out. Eddie tapped the heel of his foot against Richie’s thigh for an indefinite number of times, kissing down Richie’s neck, leaving little marks, before Richie placed a hand on his chest, pushing him back. Eddie left his hands on Richie’s shoulder, the tapping growing faster as his eyebrows furrowed.

“You’ve been drinking, Eddie.”

“Not as much as you’d think. I’m fine. I give you my consent to continue kissing me.”

“Are you sure you want this? I’m giving you an out right now,” Richie said, tugging his lip into his teeth and biting on it hard enough for blood to be drawn.

Running his thumb against Richie’s lower lip, pulling it out of his mouth, Eddie leaned in, pressing a light kiss to Richie’s mouth and then resting their foreheads together. Richie could feel the heat coming from his body despite the cool air coming from the open window.

“Richie, I really like you, and I don’t want this to be a one time thing. If you don’t want this, we can go back to talking once a month and not looking at each other, but I really don’t want that.”

Feeling Eddie’s against his face, Richie finally felt content. He swallowed the nervous lump in his throat, “Eddie Kaspbrak, I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you, and it would be my honour if you would be so kind as to allow me to take you out.”

Eddie beamed, blush sitting high on his cheeks, “Richie Tozier, I will gladly go out with you.” He finished his sentence with a kiss, “Do you wanna get out of here?”

“Yes, please.”

***

Richie saw Bev on his way outside, having been left by Eddie so he could find Stan and tell him he was leaving with Richie.

“What the hell, Richie!”

He winced, scratching his wrist lightly, his bracelets getting in the way, “Bev, before you get mad, just know I’m very sorry, but you’re going to have to call Ben for a ride home.”

“Are you kidding me? First, you ditch me in the bathroom, and now you’re ditching me again? For some floozy? I can see the hickies on your neck, asshole! And to think, I’ve called you my best friend.”

“Okay, I can see you’re already mad, but I swear it’s not what you think.”

Eddie was turning the corner from the kitchen into the hall leading to the front, waving to Bill over his shoulder.

“What do you mean, ‘it’s not what I think?’ I think you’re going to go hook up with some twink in your truck and you’re leaving me, your best friend, at this party to fend for myself.”

“Hi, Beverly,” Eddie said innocently from behind her.

Her eyebrows shot up, and she mouthed  _ Eddie? _ at Richie. All anger melted off her face as she turned.

“Just Bev, Eddie. It’s nice to see you! How’ve you been?”

“I’m okay. I hope you don’t mind if I steal Rich from you for the rest of the night.”

Bev waved her hand, scrunching her nose, “I was tired of him anyways.”

Richie gasped, “I cannot believe this slander. Just seconds ago, you were telling me how angry you were because I ‘ditched you,’ and now you’re all sunshine and fucking rainbows–” Bev started pushing him out the door before he could finish his thought, and Eddie grabbed his hand on the way out, so his consciousness had transcended him.

He led Eddie to his truck, unlocking it and opening the door for Eddie, who dipped his head in gratitude. Richie got situated in the driver’s seat, starting the engine and turning up the heat. 

“Where to, my love?” he asked Eddie.

Eddie smiled tenderly at the name. He glanced at the time, 12:24 am, and thought a little bit answering after he had, “No one’s at my house for a few more hours, we can go there if you’d like.”

“Sounds fantastic, lead the way, Eds.”

***

They pulled up to Eddie’s empty house just before one. Richie parked the truck, jogging around to Eddie’s side to hold the door open. In return, Eddie clasped his hand, leading him up the steps into his house. Eddie’s house smelt warm; a light scent of smoke hung in the air. His house looked warm too. When Eddie turned some of the lamps on along his way upstairs, Richie could see the abundance of blankets strewn across almost every seating area. Eddie had his eyes trained on his phone, texting someone and not noticing that Richie wasn’t right behind him. Richie shook himself out of whatever trance had him standing awkwardly staring at Eddie’s house and hurried up behind him.

If Richie thought Eddie’s first floor was comforting, it was nothing compared to Eddie’s room. Richie knew he shouldn’t follow stereotypes, but even though he knew Eddie wasn’t some hardened jock like some of the other athletes, he didn’t realize just how soft Eddie actually was. Fairy lights hung on Eddie’s wall, adding emphasis to the muted yellow the walls were painted. Art prints and polaroids lined the walls and the bed was absolutely covered in blankets and pillows. Eddie sat down in the middle of it, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders.

Richie wandered around Eddie’s room, making his way over to his shoe rack, “You own Doc’s? Why have I never seen you wear these bad brothers?”

Eddie shrugged, “I don’t know. The guys would probably make fun of me, and I have nothing to go with them. I bought them impulsively to piss my mom off.”

“Tsk tsk. One day, I will dress you like the gay legend I know you could be.”

Eddie snorted, “I don’t think you’re the right person to be giving out fashion advice.”

“C’mon! You’re always wearing sweaters and jeans, let me introduce you to the world of fashionable button downs.”

They were quiet again, Richie continuing the walk around the room and Eddie following him with his eyes from where he sat on the bed.

Richie was tracing a finger along one of the polaroids of Eddie that hung around a mirror next to his door when Eddie spoke, “You wanna sit outside?”

Richie jumped before registering the question. He nodded, turning to go out the door when Eddie stopped him and brought him to the window. There was no screen, and Eddie slid it open climbing through it cautiously. Richie peeked his head out, seeing Eddie sitting on a flat part of the roof, already settling in.

“Damn, Eds,” he said as he followed Eddie. “This is pretty fucking snazzy.”

“Thanks, Rich. It’s where I usually go when I get worked up like at the party.”

They were quiet for a moment before Richie decided to speak up, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Eddie wrapped a hand around his wrist, twisting it back and forth, “Long story short, my mom’s a bitch.”

Richie took Eddie’s hand in his own. He noted that it was a fair bit bigger than Eddie’s, emphasizing their noticeable height difference, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Eddie said, looking down at their clasped hands, He paused for a second, then looking up at Richie, nose scrunched. “Are those Silly Bandz?”

Having forgotten he was wearing them, Richie flushed red, “U-um, yes? That’s embarrassing.”

“I don’t mind. It adds to your charm.”

Eddie laid back, pulling Richie down with him. The roof was surprisingly comfortable, stacked with blankets and pillows just like Eddie’s bed. Eddie’s foot was still tapping against his lightly.

“Eddie?”

He hummed in response, staring up at the sky with the stars reflecting in his eyes.

“Can I ask you something you don’t have to answer?”

“Sure, Rich. What is it?”

“Why do you do the tapping thing and the rubbing thing and the pinching thing?”

Eddie didn’t answer right away, closing his eyes and then shrugging, “A distraction, mostly. It’s something to focus on instead of whatever I’m thinking.”

“Can I ask you something else?”

“Go ahead,” Eddie said, leaning his head on Richie’s shoulder.

“Did you mean it? What you said? That you like me and want to date me?”

“Yes,” Eddie dropped a kiss to Richie’s jaw, “I meant it. I never forgot about you, or how I left you that night. It seems like such an insignificant moment, but it’s stuck with me all these years and I don’t want to let you go again.”

Richie beamed, clutching Eddie’s hand just a little tighter. He scanned his wrist, picking out a colourful band and slipped it over his hand onto Eddie’s wrist.

“Now next time you need a distraction, you can think about me instead. I do have dashing looks.”

For such a small act, Eddie seemed to think it was the grandest gesture, “Thank, you, Richi–” He was interrupted by a car pulling into the driveway.

Richie’s eyes widened, “Shit, is that your mom?”

Eddie looked confused, “I don’t live with my mom.” Realization set into his face, “I never told you.”

“Told me what?” now was Richie’s turn to be confused. He sat up, dragging Eddie up until he was sitting next to him.

“Um, so, that Homecoming, my parents got into a really blown out argument. They were already divorced but my mom didn’t like me going out anywhere and Homecoming landed on my weekend with my dad so I asked him and he said I could go but then my mom called me and found out and then my dad found out about everything my mom had been doing to me beforehand which is a lot to get into and basically she lost custody of me and my entire life was a mess for the entire year and I really only ever told Bill about it because he was my only friend back then,” Eddie’s shoulders heaved as he breathed heavily, having not stopped talking the entire story. “But, anyways, that’s why I didn’t talk to you after, because I was scared and my parents were in a major custody battle, but hey let’s look at the brightside, I don’t live with her anymore and now you get to meet my dad on our first, like, hour of being a couple.” He smiled awkwardly.

Richie’s eyes searched Eddie’s, scanning his face. He kissed him right between the eyebrows before wrapping his arms around his small form, pressing his face into the crook of Eddie’s neck. Eddie smelt sweeter than he tasted, lightly floral and vanilla and something that was just distinctly  _ Eddie _ . Richie felt Eddie relax in his arms, reciprocating the hug.

“Has anyone ever told you that you give really great hugs, because you do.”

Richie laughed, high and loud, listening to the front door open and close, “No, I don’t believe someone’s said that to me.” He pulled back, leaving his hands on Eddie’s shoulders, “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“It’s not your fault,” Eddie shrugged. “Wanna meet my dad?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is my bastard child i hate it with every inch of my being but once i write, i never go back and edit so yall get what you get,, also i finally wrote chapter ten and eleven and i decided to through in some more ✨ trauma ✨ because i needed some spice. if uve read my other multi chapter fic spirals, i do be using elements from it (minus richie having shitty parents)


	7. meet the parent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy saturday

Eddie was just climbing back into his room when his dad opened the door. He waved a little awkwardly, “Hey, dad!”

“Is someone here?” his dad said, face perplexed.

“Uhh, yep!”

Richie was halfway through the window, looking up and meeting eyes with Frank. His foot caught on the sill, tripping him. He stumbled into the room, hopping up and brushing himself off, holding a hand out towards Frank, who took it and shook it.

“Richie Tozier, sir. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Frank Kaspbrak, but you can call me Frank if you’d like. How are you?”

“I am just swell, thank you for asking.”

Frank turned to Eddie, eyes slanted. “Is this the boy you were talking about?” he mock-whispered.

“Oh my god, nope” Eddie said, pushing his dad out of the room, earning himself a _hey_ and a laugh. He spun around, closing the door with his hip when his dad was out, “Ignore him.”

“You talk about me?” Richie wiggled his eyebrows. “Did you mention my monster dong?”

“What the fuck! No! Shut the fuck up!” Eddie punched his shoulder gently.

Richie glanced at Eddie’s alarm clock, “I should probably get home.”

“Here,” Eddie grabbed Richie’s hand for what felt like the billionth time that night, “I’ll walk you out.”

Frank was in the living room when they came down, watching another pre-recorded game. He bent his neck over the top of the chair to look at them, “Leaving so soon?”

“Dad, it’s like two am.”

“Okay, and? He can stay the night if you leave the door open.”

“That’s polite of you, Mr. Kaspbrak, but I need to get home before my sister goes through my room,” Richie said while putting his shoes back on.

“Next time then,” Frank replied.

Richie turned to Eddie, looking at him like he hung the stars in the sky, “Next time.”

Eddie opened the door, holding it open for Richie to walk through, leaning up against it when it closed, “I’m going to be honest, I don’t really know what the standard procedure is now.”

Richie cocked his head, “What do you mean? You’ve had boyfriends before.”

“Yeah, but I’ve never brought them home.”

This surprised Richie, and his eyebrows raised to show it, “I’m the first one you’ve brought to meet your dad? Me, Richie Tozier, pissing off parents and teachers extraordinaire, is the first boyfriend of Eddie Kaspbrak’s to meet his lovely father.”

“Hmm,” Eddie grinned. “I like that.”

“Like what?”

“You calling yourself my boyfriend.”

“Well, then,” Richie leaned down, hovering just over Eddie’s face. “As your boyfriend, I think the standard procedure would be a kiss goodnight.”

Eddie leaned up, closing the distance between them with a tender kiss. He stepped back down from his toes, having needed the extra height to reach, “Where’s your phone?”

Richie fished it out of his pocket, handing it to Eddie. It had no passcode and Candy Crush was still open when Eddie opened it. He opened the contacts, putting his number under a new contact.

“Call me. Let’s do this again sometime.”

Richie looked down, seeing the contact name, “This is just too bland of a name for me.” He typed something before turning to show Eddie the screen.

_Spaghetti Head_

“That is such a stupid name, Rich, honestly.”

“You love it though,” Richie said, leaning down to kiss Eddie’s cheek. “Until next time, my dear.”

Once in his truck, he blew Eddie an exaggerated kiss. Eddie sighed, retreating back inside when Richie had pulled out of the driveway. He dropped his head down against the wood, closing his eyes, the feeling of Richie’s lips ingrained in his mind.

“So, Richie’s nice,” his dad said, holding a bowl of cereal and watching Eddie From a few feet away, having just walked out of the kitchen.

“Yeah, he is.”

“You brought him out to the roof.”

“Yeah, I did.”

“You’ve never brought anybody onto the roof and I’ve lived here for over two thirds of your life.”

“I know.”

“You really love him, don’t you?”

“Is it premature to say that I do?”

“I don’t think so. You’ve loved him a little bit more everyday, you just didn’t realize it. I remember you gushing to me in grade eight when he first moved here, telling me all about the ‘coolest boy you’ve ever met.’ Maybe that’s when you started and you just didn’t know.”

Eddie thought it over, “Maybe you’re right. Goodnight, Dad, make sure to go to sleep soon."

Frank glanced down, “Is that a Silly Band?”

“Goodnight, Dad.”

“Where the hell did you get a Silly Band?”

Eddie didn’t answer, walking past him up the stairs. His phone buzzed in his back pocket. Upon opening it, he saw a text from an unknown number.

**2:13am**

**[207-358-2286]**

**207-358-2286:** i already mis u :^(

Eddie chuckled, adding the number to his contacts.

**Eddie:** its been like five minutes. you better not be texting and driving

 **Rich <3: **dont fret bb, i only live a few blocks away from u

 **Eddie:** ive gotta go to bed rich, ill text you tmrw

 **Rich <3: ** gnight m’dear

Eddie smiled, opening his messages from the groupchat he shared with Mike, Stan and Bill.

**10:31pm**

**[three jocks and a nerd]**

**Big Bill:** i cnt bleive u ditchd us for sm dick eddi

 **Mike n Ike:** bill you gotta pay attnetion to hte game man

 **Big Bill:** sowwy mikey ill hsoot beter this time

 **Bird Boy:** You don’t have to text when you’re standing next to each other. Pay attention to the beer pong.

 **Bird Boy:** I hope the dick was worth leaving me with two drunk idiots, Eddie.

**2:16am**

**Eddie:** we didn’t smash omfg. we just went back to my place and chilled until dad got home

 **Bird Boy:** He met your dad?

 **Eddie:** it was kinda an accidnet but it went well

 **Bird Boy:** How did you even end up talking to him?

 **Eddie:** would you believe me if i said i walked up to him and told him how i felt

 **Bird Boy:** No.

 **Eddie:** okay ur right, long story short i started panicking a bit at the party and i left the living room to find somewhere quieter and i accidnetally body checked him in my Panic and he followed me to the room and i told him i needed a distraction and then we made out for a bit

 **Bird Boy:** Only Eddie Kaspbrak could pick up a guy in the middle of a panic attack. Are you okay now?

 **Eddie:** yeh alls good, think it was just the atmosphere that set it off again. howre the boys

 **Bird Boy:** Passed out on my bed. I’m staying in the guest room tonight. Goodnight, Eddie.

 **Eddie:** goodnight stan <3

Eddie changed into his pajamas, tucking himself into bed. He flicked his lights off and dropped his head back onto his pillows. He giggled lightly, remembering the weight of Richie’s body against his and his sweet, cinnamon scent. Eddie fell asleep with love on his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry to anyone who is invested in this story, but I will not be posting next week. in light of the riots, protest, and multiple movements, i think it's best if i step back and focus on the matter at hand rather than my story. I'm including a link for numerous petitions u can sign, as well as zipcodes for people out of north America. i urge everyone to at least sign these, even if you cannot donate. i recognize my own privilege as a young white woman, but I am still able to use my voice to help spread awareness. black lives matter. 1312. ACAB. if you or someone you know is attending any of the protests, please make sure to research; fake protests are being planned by people who do not have poc's best interests at heart. do not go gentle
> 
>   
> [link to twitter thread with petitions](https://twitter.com/Falling89s/status/1265728742791528449)


	8. infinity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall, im back lmao, hope uve been okay
> 
> this chapter is the longest one I've posted so far so,,, vibes
> 
> its like all dialogue *exasperated emoji* please lord i cant do action I'm a dialogue gal

Eddie woke up the next morning to his phone ringing. Groaning, he picked it up, seeing it was Richie. He scrunched his nose, answering the call.

“Do you know how early it is?”

“So no, ‘good morning, Rich.’ No, ‘ how are you today, Rich?’ Straight to just being a grump? I do know what time it is, and I know it is way too late to be sleeping.”

Eddie glanced at the clock, seeing it was just past noon, “It’s Saturday.”

“Exactly, and that’s why I would like to take you out. Look out your window.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing, I swear to fucking god. Just look out your window.”

Rolling his eyes, Eddie pulled the blanket back, slowly walking towards the window. He saw Richie standing in his yard, one hand holding his phone and the other gripping his backpack with his longboard sticking awkwardly out the top, just like when he came in late during English.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Richie?” Eddie yelled after opening his window, hanging up his phone.

“Let me in! I have big plans for today!”

Eddie shut his window, walking downstairs. He greeted his dad, who was reading the paper in the kitchen, moving past him to the back door that opened onto their porch, connecting to the kitchen.

“Richie?” Eddie asked.

Frank did a double take, his face utterly confused, “What’s Richie doing here?”

“Being a dumbass, probably,” Eddie looked around out the door, not seeing Richie anywhere. “Richie!” he yelled.

He could hear Richie scampering around the house, tripping over a garden hose that was strewn across the backyard, whispering a  _ fuck  _ he didn’t think Eddie could hear.

“Eddie! I thought you were going to leave a poor man alone out here this chilly October afternoon.”

“Can you even consider this afternoon? I was sleeping, asshole.”

“Language,” Frank said, not looking up from his newspaper.

Eddie rolled his eyes again and looked at Richie unimpressed, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Can I just say first, your pajamas are the cutest thing ever,” Richie pinched Eddie’s cheek gently. “You’re cute, cute, cute!”

Brushing Richie’s hand off, Eddie stepped aside to let him. He felt a bit awkward standing in his oversized basketball hoodie and track shorts, so he turned, heading out the kitchen, “Give me five minutes so I can get ready.”

“Take all the time in the world, darling, I’ll be here,” Richie said, sitting down at the table next to Frank.

***

Eddie got dressed hurriedly, brushing his teeth and styling his hair in record time. It didn’t sit properly, so Eddie decided to throw on his old baseball cap from last year. He smiled, remembering the first day Bill had introduced him to Mike, who Bill had had a few classes with before really becoming close to him after joining the team. Bill had convinced Eddie to play too, and he quickly fell in love with it just as he had with basketball, soccer and track. There was something about the rush he felt whenever they won a game or he scored a point that made Eddie feel proud of himself. The cap didn’t really go with his outfit of green turtleneck and jeans, but he didn’t really mind.

Richie was having a quiet conversation with his dad when he came down, and he grinned when he saw Eddie come into the room, “Repping one team at night and another at day. How jock-y of you.”

“Oh, shut up, idiot. Are we going or what?”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s go. It was nice seeing you, Mr. Kaspbrak.”

Frank put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, a bit clumsily because he was still sitting and Eddie was standing, “Your mom will be over at half past seven for dinner. I’m going to pick her up this time.”

Eddie gulped lowly, looking down at his feet, “Okay,” he said solemnly.

“Do you need me to cancel it, Eddie?”

Biting his cheek, Eddie shook his head, “It’ll be okay. Promise.”

“Okay, then I expect you back just before then. Have fun today, boys.”

Richie grabbed his bag from next to the door and clasped Eddie’s hand in his free hand, pulling him out the door with him. Eddie was quiet for the walk down his street, looking down, mindful not to step on any cracks in the pavement. Richie didn’t say anything until after Eddie had spoke as they turned the corner onto a new road.

“What’re we doing today?” Eddie asked, a bit quieter than how he usually spoke.

“Well, my dearest Eds,” Richie slung his backpack over his shoulder. “I figured we jumped into this a bit quickly. I hardly know anything about senior Eddie, only a little bit about middle school Eddie. So I thought we could go to a secret picnic spot I found and get to know each other a bit better.”

“I haven't changed that much, Rich. The only difference is I play sports now.”

“Then tell me about yourself again. Pretend I’ve lost all memory of you and have no clue who you are.”

“Okay, wel⎼” Eddie was stopped by Richie pushing a finger to his lip, shushing him.

“Not yet! Wait until we get there!”

“Okay! Jesus.”

They were quiet again, walking hand in hand down the road. Richie swung his arm wildly, making Eddie’s go along with it. Eddie giggled under his breath, but pretended to be annoyed when Richie beamed at him. Richie led him down past the library, over the Kissing Bridge.

“I think carving your name in the bridge is stupid,” Richie said, after scanning over some of the initials.

“Yeah,” Eddie replied, glancing at the rough ‘R’ he had carved there a year ago. “So stupid.”

***

Richie’s picnic spot was a clearing overlooking the Quarry. Eddie had been there once, briefly, at the insistence of Bill. He hadn’t been brave enough to jump that summer, but he had thought about it. The water was probably freezing now, yet Eddie still had the thought of seeing Richie jump in, his skin bare and golden from the summer sun. Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, trying to rid himself of the idea.

Turning his backpack over, Richie watched the entirety of his bag dump out onto the dirt. He sifted around, finding the blanket underneath his board and some old school work. He left his board, a Spider-man metal lunch box, and the blanket out, shoving the rest of the contents back into his bag. He flapped the blanket, laying it out nicely before gesturing to it with two hands.

“Take a seat, Spaghetti.”

“Not my name,” Eddie said as he sat, trying not to think too hard about how many bugs could crawl on him from here.

Richie sat next to him, pulling the lunch box up towards them, “I didn’t really know what you liked, so I have a bit of everything.” He opened it, revealing sandwiches, granola bars, juice boxes, sliced fruit and vegetables and some pudding cups.

“Damn, Rich. This is a lot of food for just two of us.”

“Yeah, well, whatever we don’t eat I’ll just feed to Eggs or Liz, whoever I see first.”

“Eggs?”

“My dog. Liz is my sister.”

“That’s a cute name for a dog.”

Richie grinned, “That’s what I said! But everyone said it wasn’t a good dog name. I think any dog name is a good dog name, except, like, mean ones, because that just makes me sad.”

Eddie reached into the lunchbox, pulling out an apple juice box and puncturing the straw in the top. Richie made a face of visible disgust. Eddie grimaced confusingly, “What?”

“Apple is gross,” he said as he reached for an orange.

“Is orange your favourite then?”

“Of course! It’s the perfect drink! Tangy but sweet, and goes well with everything, even ice cream. Good for a nighttime drink and a breakfast drink.”

“Well, my dad will be glad his theory continues to be proven true.”

Richie cocked his head, “What do you mean by that?”

Eddie sipped his juice, “My dad has this theory that every good relationship has one person who likes orange juice and one person who likes apple juice. He said it works for everything, even friendships and families. I like apple and he likes orange and that’s why we along so well. And my mom likes pineapple, and that’s why we both don’t like her.”

Richie tipped his juice over, tapping it against Eddie’s, “Here’s to your dad’s theory, then.”

Eddie blushed, leaning back and laying on the blanket. Richie joined him, turning his head to meet Eddie’s eyes. Eddie looked into his, enjoying the swirling honey-brown of them, drawing him in like the changing leaves of fall.

“So,” Richie said.

“So.”

“Tell me about you, Eds.”

Eddie shrugged, “There isn’t much to tell. You go first.”

“Okay then,” he shifted until he was laying on his side, his head propped up on his hand. Eddie turned over too, laying his hands under his head like a pillow. “I’m Richie ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier. My favourite colour is green, like your sweater. Not the bright green of grass, but the darker green of pine trees. My favourite season is summer, because it’s warm and sunny, and also because it reminds me of you, because you taste like a warm summer evening and you smell sweet like flowers and you make me feel warm inside.”

Eddie blushed, smiling gently, “What? I taste like bug spray and campfire? Because I think you're the one who smells like smoke.”

“No! No, you’re like… melting ice cream and cold lemonade and the feeling you get when you watch a nice sunset. Looking at you is better than watching the prettiest sunset in the world.”

“Don’t get sappy on me, Tozier,” Eddie closed his eyes, feeling himself grow tired despite having just woken up. “Keep going, I like hearing you talk.”   


“You’re going to regret that one,” Richie laughed. “Um, I like Winstons, because they taste like a cigarette should. I like smoking weed because it made me forget how in love I was for a little bit, but I think I would rather remember. I like writing music, and I have a channel where I post all my songs, but it’s embarrassing and I’m never letting you hear them.”

“It’s a bit late for that. I’ve already heard them all.”

Richie was taken aback, “You’ve already heard them all?” he said in a small voice.

Eddie opened his eyes, “Only recently. I made a fake account so I could listen to them without you knowing it was me.”

“Spaghetti17?”

“That’s the one, how’d you know?”

“I saw it when you first subscribed, and it felt nice to have someone with your nickname like all the songs I wrote about you.”

“Wait, all your songs are about me?”

“Well, yeah. Who else would they be about. I don’t have any other lovers, besides your mom.”

Eddie’s eyes hardened, “Not funny. Did not laugh.”

“Sorry, that was in poor taste.”

“It’s okay,” he pushed Richie’s shoulder. “Keep going.”

Richie cleared his throat, “I want to be in the music industry when I’m older. Julliard is definitely my dream school, but it’s hard as shit to get into and there’s no way I’m even remotely good enough. I want to compose music for movies and shit, or maybe become a professional singer-songwriter if that’s where life takes me.”

“That’s cute. I can see that happening. You would flourish somewhere big like New York or even LA if you moved there afterwards.”

“What about you then? Any lifelong dreams for Spagheds?”

“It sounds kind of silly, but I want to teach. I feel like everyone assumes I’m going to do something athletic beyond high school, just because I’m good at it, but I really want to teach English or something.”

“I don’t think it’s silly. Doing sports isn’t the only thing about you. I think you’d be the most adorable English teacher ever.”

“Shut up,” Eddie turned back up, closing his eyes and letting the breeze bask over him. He felt Richie touch his hair lightly. He peeked an eye open, looking over at Richie.

Immediately, Richie blushed, “S-sorry, you had a leaf in your hair.”

Eddie shuffled closer, grabbing Richie’s arm and wrapping it under his head, “Richie, you’ve had your tongue in my mouth, you’re allowed to touch me somewhere other than my hands.”

“In that case,” Richie wrapped his other arm around Eddie, pulling him closer until Eddie was almost on top of him. Eddie sighed at the contact, nestling against Richie’s body.

“I like it when you hold me, it makes me feel safe.”

Richie kissed him on the top of his head, but Eddie barely felt it through his hat. He removed it, shaking his hair out with his fingers. Richie trailed his hand up Eddie’s arm, running his fingers through Eddie’s curls. They laid like that, letting the last of summer’s sun and the beginning’s of autumn's breeze run over them. Eddie felt himself growing tired.

“If you keep doing that, I’m going to fall asleep, and we’ve only been here for an hour,” Eddie said, voice husky with sleep. That much was true; the walk over took them almost an hour, due to their leisurely pace, and it was just nearing 2:30 pm. Eddie sat up slowly, grabbing a bag of sliced strawberries from the box, hunger just now hitting him. 

Richie sat up too, rummaging around in the box before settling on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which he split and handed half to Eddie. They ate most of the lunch Richie had packed. Richie got up and looked over the edge of the cliff a while after they had finished. He turned, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb.

“Wanna go swimming?”

“Richie, it’s literally October, basically Halloween, and you want to go swimming in there? It’s going to be freezing! And don’t even get me started on the bacteria and diseases in there. Bugs, and leeches, and probably piss and shit too. It’s disgusting.”

“It’s October 5th, it’s not Halloween yet. And I’ve done this before and I’m still right as rain, so it can’t be that gross.”

“Sounds like someone who doesn’t start Christmas on November 1st. And just because it hasn’t happened to you, doesn’t mean it won’t happen.”

“Christmas on Novemb⎼ No! That’s way too early! But that’s also besides the point. It won’t be that bad. I’ve done it before way later than this,”

Eddie looked skeptical, “Okay, but if I get hypothermia, I’m killing you.”

Richie laughed, deep and whole-heartedly, “I give you full permission to murder me if you get hypothermia.”

He packed up his bag, shoving everything in. Eddie felt himself cringe at how messily he was putting everything away, but he willed himself not to think about it. Richie led him to a path that was obscured by bushes. The walk down was a bit bumpy, but Eddie didn’t mind too much. The trail led to a small, rocky lot that couldn’t be more than a few metres across and one metre in, water brushing up against all it’s edges and a large rock on the corner. Richie dropped his stuff down in the centre, and started stripping, revealing fading tanned skin and long, strong limbs.

“Woah, woah, woah, we aren’t skinny dipping, are we?” Eddie rubbed his wrist just under the sleeve of his sweater.

“Relax, Eds, I’m just getting down to my underwear so I’m not sitting around in soaked clothes all day.”

He finished, his clothes left in a heap next to his bag and Eddie still fully clothed next to him. He raised an eyebrow, looking Eddie up and down.

“I don’t know, Rich. I don’t like the idea of being in my underwear in public.”

“Just think of it like a swimsuit. Besides, no one’s going to see us down here.”

Eddie pinched lightly at his wrist, trying not to draw Richie’s attention to it, but failing. Richie brought his hands up around Eddie’s wrists, holding loosely.

“Hey,” he said softly. “If you don’t want to, I’m not going to make you. But I can assure you that no one will see us.”

“It’s not just that,” Eddie looked down, biting his lip. “I feel dumb saying it.”

Richie laid a hand lightly on Eddie’s cheek, “It’s okay, baby.”

“It’s just, uh, I’ve never like, gotten undressed around someone before. I always swim in a shirt and trunks. And you look very, um, nice without a shirt and I know I don’t.”

“Eddie, I swear to you, no matter what you look like under your sweater, I’ll like it. I’d never judge you for your looks, because I think you’re beautiful.”

“Could you just like, not look right away?”

“Whatever makes you comfortable,” Richie said while turning.

Eddie breathed in deeply, reminding himself that this was Richie, and he could trust him even though they’d only been dating for less than twenty-four hours, which sounded so dumb and immature when he thought about it. Twenty-four hours and half a date and they were calling each other boyfriend. Their relationship was moving quickly, much faster than Eddie was used to, but he was surprised that he didn’t mind. Perhaps it was the years of pining that made him so comfortable and trusting of Richie so fast, but either way, he was glad their relationship started, no matter how quickly it was moving.

Slipping his shoes off, Eddie kicked them next to Richie’s pile of clothes. He undressed hastily, stripping himself of his shirt and pants, dropping them into the rocks with a thump. He looked down at his boxers, blue with Captain America’s shield printed on them. He groaned, wishing he had worn something plain like Richie had. Eddie crossed his arms over his torso, covering as much as he could.

“You can turn around now.”

True to his word, Richie kept his eyes up on Eddie’s face, waiting until Eddie slowly lowered his arms back to his sides before looking down Eddie’s body, watching the light goosebumps form on his skin. It was still pretty warm, despite it being breezy, the sun keeping the land warm. Richie sweeped his eyes back up, a light blush on his cheeks.

“Eddie Kaspbrak, you are a beautiful human being, and also, excuse my language, fucking ripped. I mean, I knew there was some muscle, but I wasn’t expecting a full six pack.”

Now was Eddie’s turn to blush, looking away towards the water nervously, “No, I’m not.”

“I’m serious, Eds, you probably have more abs than I do muscles in my entire body.”

“Shut up, you’re just as strong as me, you literally have abs too.”

“Yeah, but that’s just because I’m scrawny. Just a bag of bones. All elbow and knee, as the kids say.”

“Stop it, Rich, you’re making me feel weird.”

Richie’s smile dropped, “Sorry, Spaghetti.” He glanced at the rock, “Want to see me jump in?”

“That’s going to turn out badly, I hope you know,” but Richie was already climbing up, holding his hands above his hands as if he was going to dive.

“Up next to the board, we have Richie ‘The Swan’ Tozier, an excellent diver and even better lover,” he said in an Olympic announcer voice. “From small town, Butt-Fuck Nowhere, he trained diligently in the art of diving, having learnt from his late instructor, Grandad Tozier, who passed just after his seventh birthday. Will he earn a perfect ten again this round?”

Richie jumped, tucking his hands around his knees in a cannonball formation. He shot up out of the water immediately, flicking his hair back, “That is a rush, I’ll be honest.”

Eddie laughed, “I fucking told you it would cold as balls, Richie.”

“Why don’t you come warm me up then, Eds?”

Eddie climbed up the rock slowly, drawing out the process just to make Richie annoyed. He stood at the edge, looking down over his feet at the murky water below. Plugging his nose, he jumped.

Richie was right; the cold water shocked him as he plunged deeper into the water. He swam up, gasping because of the cold. His teeth chatter, and he swam towards Richie’s open arms.

“Oh my fucking god, it’s so fucking cold,” Eddie said through shivers.

“You get used to it,” Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist, holding him up close to him. He leaned into his ear, whispering, “Did I mention I love the Captain America undies?”

Eddie scooped up some water, throwing it in Richie’s face, then wiping his lips with the back of his hand, pressing a kiss to them when there was no more water on them. Richie deepened it, pressing Eddie closer to him until Eddie pulled away, his hands left around Richie’s neck.

“Richie? Do you think we’re moving too fast? I mean, we’ve only been together since after midnight, and this is our first date.”

“Do you think we’re moving too fast?”

“Well, yeah, but, like, I kind of don’t mind because it’s you.”

“Good, because I don’t mind either.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Do you believe in love at first sight?”

Eddie lowered his eyebrows, “When I was a kid, yeah?”

“I’ve been in love since first sight, even though I didn’t really realize. And I wanted to ask you out in grade nine, but then shit happened and you didn’t talk to me so I tried to forget about it, but there was always just this nagging in my head that never shut the fuck up, always reminding me that I lost my one chance at true love.”

“You didn’t lose me,” Eddie rubbed his nose against Richie’s before tucking his face into his neck. “You’re stuck with me now, for as long as I’m around.”

“I wouldn’t want it any other way. ‘Sides, we’re on Lesbian Time, baby!”

“You really know how to ruin a moment,” Eddie said, rolling his eyes and swimming away from him.

***

They stayed into the water until they couldn’t stand it any longer, which was much longer than Eddie thought they would last. They dried themselves the best they could with the blanket. Daylight was dimming as they dressed and climbed back up the trail. They watched the sun begin to paint the sky pink as it dipped down back into the Earth, revealing stars along the way.

Eddie eyed Richie’s board, back to sticking out of the top of his backpack, a little higher now that the blanket wasn’t folded properly.

“Teach me how to longboard.” 

Richie looked at him, eyebrows raised, “I can try to another day, if you’d like. I’d rather do it during the day so we can see better.”

Eddie pouted a bit, “Okay.”

Laughing, Richie pulled the board out of his bag, setting it down on the pavement, right along the fading yellow line, and placing his foot on it so it wouldn’t roll, “A compromise, perhaps?”

“What is it?”

“You can stand on the board, but I’ll do the pushing and the steering. I’ve done it with Bev a few times and you’re about her weight, so it should be fine.”

“Okay,” Eddie let Richie place in at the front of the board, feeling his hands hold him steady by the waist.

“You ready?”

Eddie nodded, and Richie pushed off gently. The ride was kind of bumpy at first, the road rough, but once they eased onto a smoother street, Richie started pushing faster. Eddie giggled, feeling the wind against his face as they raced the streetlights. The moon was coming out, and the sky was a dark purple as the sun lowered completely and he swore in that moment he could do anything.

He heard Richie adjust his footing and then felt him lean forward, pressing his face close to Eddie’s ear, “Do you feel infinite, Eds?”

“Did you just reference the Perks of Being a Wallflower?”

“It’s my favourite movie.”

“I’ve only read the book, but I’d be happy to watch it with you next time we’re together.”

Richie stopped the board, pulling out his phone, “I’m sorry, Eds, but this is essential.”

_ Heroes  _ by David Bowie started playing.

“It’s all about the experience,” Richie said, turning up the volume and getting the board moving again.

Under the stars in the night sky, Eddie thought he did feel infinite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NORMALIZE! BOYS! HAVING! BODY! ISSUES!
> 
> anyways, its my own personal headcanon that richie kins charlie (that's a surprise tool that'll help us later)
> 
> also,,, i may have,,, joined the avatar: the last airbender fandom,,, so if fic updates are not stable for this one,, just know its because I'm on my zukka bullshit and am planning something for them
> 
> I'm trying to write chapter 11 for this one but I'm #unmotivated and it's long as heck (not really its only like 5k) but anyways,,, I'm at like a weird point in the story where there's not much action because all my action happens in June for this timeline so CHILE ANYWAYS
> 
> hmu with chapter ideas


	9. forgive and forget is harder than it seems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m not proud of this chapter 
> 
> tw: panic attacks/intrusive thoughts, use of f slur

Eddie walked into his house with a laugh still in his throat and a smile on his face, waving goodbye to Richie as he stepped backwards into the warmth of his house. He shucked off his shoes, still smiling to himself. He could hear movement in the kitchen.

“I’m home, Dad!”

“Eddie, are you forgetting something,” Frank said from the kitchen.

  
Eddie turned the corner, “Uh, no⎼” he looked up, all traces of a smile gone from his face as he saw his mother sitting at the table, pushing some salad around on her plate.

“Hello, Eddie-Bear,” Sonia said.

“Hey, Ma. Sorry I’m late, I got a bit caught up.”

Sonia looked as if she was going to say something, getting the pinched expression she always had when she was about to say something insulting, but she looked over at Frank and bit her tongue.

Frank set down a plate for Eddie, “There’s still dinner for you, if you’d like. Or did you eat already?”

“Just a bit earlier, but we went swimming so I’m pretty hungry now,” Eddie sat down, dishing up a large portion of supper.

“Are you sure you should be eating that much, Eddie? You look like you’ve gained weight since I last saw you.”

“Mom! Jesus!” Eddie said at the same time as Frank exclaimed, “Sonia!”

“I’m just looking out for our Eddie-Bear, Frank. Clearly, you haven’t been. You should come back and live with me, Eddie. I know how to take care of a child properly. It’s a mother’s job, not the father’s,” she sent a glare Frank’s way.

“Sonia, just leave it alone so we can eat peacefully.”

She did not leave it alone, “You’re already letting him run around with those indecent boys and letting him do all those sports he can’t handle. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was your fault he’s gay too, Frank.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Ma, I’ve been here all of five minutes and you’re already on Dad’s case about not taking care of me and telling me to come back. I’m never going back to live with you. You didn’t treat me right then and you sure as hell don’t now. So what, I like dick! Get over it,” Eddie threw his fork down, pushing his chair back. “I’m not fucking dealing with this.” He left, storming upstairs with a huff.

  
From his room, Eddie could hear the hushed conversation of his parents. He could make out bits and pieces, mostly just his dad scolding his mom. She didn’t leave for another ten minutes after he had come upstairs, but that was long enough for Eddie to be consumed by his thoughts. He sat on his bed, head in his hands.

_ You’re a bad son. _

_ A dirty child. _

_ Your dad doesn’t even love you, he’s just stuck with you. _

_ He’s mad at you now. _

_ Your mom’s mad at you. _

_ Bill hasn’t spoken to you today, he’s mad at you too. _

No, he’s just hungover, Eddie thought.

_ Stan hasn’t texted you either, and they’re not. _

They’re busy, he told himself.

_ Richie’s going to leave you because you’re a bad person. _

Eddie tapped his ankle against the leg of his bed frame, increasing the pressure each time. He lifted his head, switching to go and pinch his wrist again, but stopping himself when he saw the Silly Band sitting on top of the marks already present on his wrist.

“I’m not a bad person,” Eddie whispered.

_ Telling yourself that doesn’t make it true, fag. _

Hands shaking, Eddie tried to think about something else. He focussed on the tapping, counting the hits. He clenched his fists, listening to his heart pound and his vision spin.

A distraction, he thought. Richie.

He opened his computer, typing in Richie’s account information and clicking his newest song, the one about Homecoming night, watching the strings of his guitar move up and down as the lump in his throat tightened it’s hold on him. Eddie heard the steps creak, and he was up with the music paused waiting for his dad’s arrival. He flung the door open before his dad had the chance to knock.

“Are you mad at me?” Eddie asked as soon as the door opened.

Frank blinked; he was holding Eddie’s plate of dinner. “No, I’m not mad at you. I’m a bit upset you left me alone with her for so long, but I’m not mad.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are, but you don’t have to be.”

“I still am. I’m sorry for not coming home on time and I’m sorry for swearing and I’m sorry for running out of the room and I’m sorry for snapping at her and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you to cancel and I’m sorry I’m a bad son and I’m sorry I’m ga⎼” Eddie choked on a sob, tears building up in his eyes. He clapped a hand over his mouth and his dad visibly softened.

Frank placed Eddie’s dinner on his nightstand, walking over and wrapping him in his arms. He ran a hand through Eddie’s hair, shushing him as Eddie cried into his shoulder. Eddie felt his shirt dampen, but he stayed in Frank’s arms until his sobs subsided and he was left breathing heavily against Frank’s neck.

“Woah, kid, let’s sit,” his dad said, leading him to the bed and wrapping a blanket around Eddie’s small, shaking form.

“I’m sorry.”

Frank huffed, pulling Eddie close by wrapping his arm around his shoulders on top of the blanket, “I know you can’t be this worked up over just what your mom said at dinner, so what’s going on?”

“She called yesterday, before the party, and said her usual spiel. And then I kinda freaked out for a while and I wasn’t really over it when I went and then I freaked out at the party and I had to leave the room because there was just, so many people, and I found a quiet room and I opened the window so I could look out at the sky and then Richie found me and basically that’s how we got to together, because he found me and I confessed my feelings in my panicked state, and then I had a really great time with him today and I came home and immediately Mom ruined it and now I’m sitting here crying like a baby because of something so stupid,” Eddie said quietly when he had calmed down enough.

“It’s not stupid, son. Your feelings matter, and I can tell you right now that you’re not going to be seeing her anytime soon. I’m a bit upset you went to the party when you knew you were not in the right headspace, but clearly some good came out of it. Hell, I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you come home so happy, even so briefly. So don’t undermine yourself for the sake of that woman. You’re allowed to be upset with her.”

Eddie leaned his head down on his dad’s shoulder, “Thank you, Dad.”

They sat there until Eddie’s eyes started drooping, despite it only being 8:30 pm. He stood, stretching his arms out in front of him. His dad stood with a groan, “You gonna eat this still or do you just want some waffles,” he pointed to the forgotten plate of cold dinner.

“Waffles, please.”

Frank nodded, grabbing the plate and turning to leave when Eddie stopped him, placing a hand on his shoulder and saying, “Do you wanna watch a movie with me?”

“I’d love to,” Frank said with a genuine smile.

***

Eddie showered, longer than usual to clear his mind and get rid of the lingering lake smell that stuck in his hair. His dad was already waiting in his room, waffles in hand, when Eddie changed and walked over, cuddled into a soft blanket. He jumped onto Frank’s large, comfortable bed, nestling into the pillows and underneath the comforter. The warm, dim lights of the lamps made Eddie feel safe. He ate his waffles silently as his dad browsed Netflix, searching for something to watch. His dad settled on some dumb comedy they hadn’t seen in ages, and Eddie drifted off curled up at his dad’s side, dreaming of more good days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is going to be my last update for a while. when i started this fic, i was super excited and had so many ideas, but now i’ve lost all my motivation, mostly in part of toxic fans i’ve seen online. i feel as though i can not write how i would perceive the characters because so many people on line act like it’s an act against god. idk, maybe i’ll find some motivation for it again later. i’m sorry to anyone who is invested in this story, i’m just out of ideas

**Author's Note:**

> never hesitate to comment, they fuel my unhealthy writing habits. leave me feedback, point out mistakes or even just say hi and tell me about your day!


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